Rookywriters Book Reviews

No 20 Vampire's Illusion

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - Vampire illusions by Wingsanddreams
Genre - Vampire

¤ First impression - Summary... I was gonna take over my father's company once I did my college. But a guy with fangs somehow turns my world upside down.

Who? How? Why? When?

The title says, Vampire's illusion, but there was nothing in the first ten chapters is connecting the contents to the title.

¤ Weakness - Not writing the activities of a chapter in order of occurrence.

Fast paced writing through out the chapters.

Incomplete thoughts in sentences.

¤ Improvement - Before starting a chapter, plot out the scenes in order of occurrence. The flashbacks, dialogues, internal thoughts and what not should come in order of occurrence.

Limit the use of short sentences when describing normal scenes. Short sentences are used to heighten tension in certain areas of a story.

Complete the sentences with the story line. Let readers know what is going on.

¤ Strengths - Good writing technique working with first person pov.

Body

¤ Opening - Good opening into the first chapter.

¤ Conflict - The conflicts is either happening in Amara's dreams which was conflicting with her present life. The vampire conflict took time to unfold.

¤ Plot - The plotting of the story is made of 90% dialogues.

Each chapter has a different vibe and the events are not connecting with the next chapter. Example chapter one started with loud music playing in the club, and ended with the main character seeing something, then chapter two a girl pops up from nowhere and chapter three, someone is running and dreaming... and Shane appears from no where...

Like there's no coherent action, reaction or storyline connecting the scenes.

¤ Setting - More time was spent writing and describing characters in some scenes which actually needed setting descriptions.

You can start the chapter by describing the location where the scene is taking place, add a little weather condition, and time.

¤ Characterization - Characters are too flat. There's no strong background information on them that gives a tangible reason to relate with them.

¤ Dialogue - Use dialogue tags to express emotions form the characters. Don't just write:

"Ralph will drop you home."

Rather write,

"Ralph will drop you home." I muttered.

¤ Point of View - Seriously it took me a while to really get the name of the main character girl, Amara.

The story don't have to be totally written from Amara's pov, it can get boring at a point if the whole scene keeps evolving around her.

Also let readers know what is in the writer's mind by telling the story from time to time and fill up readers curiosity, that way we can connect more with your voice.

¤ Show versus tell - There's basically no telling or showing with the structure of this story. Maybe because of the fast paced style of writing. Every scene is running in fast forward mode.

¤ Format of the text - Good paragraphing.

¤ Grammar and spelling - Well, I don't know what plans you have for this book, if you do want to go further this book in terms of publishing and stuff, then you really have to work on the grammar.

There's some use of short words and slangs going on, like imma, gonna, Wanna, Outta etc
You might kinda wanna straighten the words out when editing.

Also check the punctuation errors in dialogues.

¤ Style - Writing style is fast paced, one sided and plain.

Conclusion

Comments - For a book with a strong title like Vampire's Illusion, I expected a lot more intriguing scenes, I'm seeing is more of illusions going on than the vampire theme. I think the writer took Amara's pov too personal. You might want to spread and connect with the other characters.

Book cover is really beautiful, title is catchy, work on the plotting and give your book a proper editing.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just PM me or hit the comments.