Rookywriters Book Reviews

Review 53 @Arkotract

Book: The X event
Author: Arkotract

REVIEW

1. First chapter blues

*  Summary / prologue - The summary was almost turning to a chapter there. If I was to rewrite it...

The first part was catchy, the second part is not really necessary, it's left for readers to find out what went down after three years. Third part is okay,

The 'Devoid of crime, death is a stranger part, No-one to oppose Gaster's rule can or should be removed.

This act... This event... part should come first, because I was also wondering what this Xevent means.

Can two sisters previously nemesis... take this part out.

Edit it and see what it looks like.

My suggest...

*  Intro to main character - Good detailed intro to the main characters of the story.

*  Intro to story - At the beginning of the first chapter, it says, a rural town with only a single convenience store and school.

A little explanation of what happens in this store and school will balance that first paragraph.

Good intro to the family and story.

*  Intro to genre - Good intro to the genre, fantasy.

2. Story Settings

*  Description - Description of characters, location and overall world build settings was done extra well.

*  Theme - Theme of sisterhood, struggle was noted. Although I was getting different mixed themes in the story.

*  Intrigue / Suspense factor - Good intriguing factor in all the chapters.

*  Relation to genre - The book is related to the genre, fantasy.

*  Time setting - Timing was noted in the story.

*  Character development - The main characters Chara and Frisk, no doubt was fully developed. Every single detail about their life was well documented.

3. Story Tone

*  Grammar - There were few words that was repeated and a few minor errors, grammar was on point. This errors can be corrected while editing.

Some paragraphs was excessively long. Try breaking up long paragraphs, most wattpaders read with their phones, and these super long paragraphs can distort vision.

*  Dialogue - Dialogues was lost in the ocean of the long paragraphs. Try separating them and tag the characters along so that readers can know who is speaking.

*  Choice of words - Good diction. Good choice of words for the story.

*  Chapter flow - Story flow connected from chapter to chapter.

*  Writing voice - Writers voice is lost somewhere. Although there's a powerful usage of English and good diction. Chara and Frisk personalities took control in the book. So most of the time, it is Chara or Frisk who is speaking not the writer.

4. Creativity

*  Plot development - Woahhh! The plotting of this book is widely amazing. I must commend your unwavering zeal to write so much.

The story started well from chapters one, two, three and four... Then I thought wait a second, this is supposed to be a fan fiction and fantasy story right. Okay.

Going further I thought what is wrong?
Yeah, this is a fantasy story but the world build and story line is so much centered on the main characters. More words are spent describing every little detail of each character that the story gets lost in between.

Also It seems the writer told the story from a 'behind the scene' kind of angle. You are like the director of the movie and you want each scene to roll out just the way it is in your imagination.

You have a powerful imagination at that. Like I said each detail is powerfully written. But there's need to also get the story moving.

At chapters four, there is an intro of various creatures whose descriptions was really overwhelming. Why is it overwhelming? Because it was all written out in a paragraph.  Normally it is advisable to spread out such heavy descriptions, so that as readers read through, they will discover several bodily traits of the creatures.

Also introducing more than two characters in a chapter can get confusing, especially for a fantasy story. Work with the characters whose presence is important in a chapter. If a character's actions is not needed in a scene, there is no point mentioning them or even describing them.

And before starting a chapter, give a brief summary of what exactly has happened so far, what the characters are doing now, and what is about to happen in the chapter, what the characters need to achieve and how it will be achieved.

Example chapter five started with Gaster addressing a group and he did some actions which was not quite clear. A little into to brief readers will do.

Chapter length, shizzz... is really something we shouldn't even talk about right now...

*  Writing style - Your writing doesn't really have a style yet. It's totally straight. Like super straight. It's really strict. You don't even want to add any external stuff that will waver your personal ideas about writing. It's good though.

5. Personal thoughts - X event is one super high fantasy book. It is not just ordinary fantasy.

I got exhausted reading at some point. Hehe... But... Mehhh, kudos to you again. You are one good writer in the making.

Working with two main female characters with different personalities was done so well and so far so good.

You have a great world build, amazing characters, good story idea, err... pretty long chapters. So get readers engaged with the story not just the characters.

* Overall - 10!

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