Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 21 Society

Introduction

¤Book title and author - Society By Eddy622
Genre - teen fiction

¤First impression - Title... The title 'Society' is not catchy at all for a teen fiction book. The word might mean different things to different people in different situations.

I get the idea of trying to juggle the lives of four or five girls and their experiences in the society, I suggest to create a more catchy title for the story.

But if you want to use the title, I think you might want to add more characters ranging from different categories of people in the society and from different walks of life not just teenagers.

¤Weakness - Short scene transitioning. Writing irrelevant scenes that don't help push the story forward.

¤Improvement - Short scene transitioning... For example in chapter five,

"Oops. Sorry scholarship, didn't see you there." Gwen could hear the laughter from inside the car and she knew it was coming from her friends. Dawn blew a kiss at Gwen before driving off. Gwen sighed as she ran home.

Once in front of her little home, Gwen brought out her key and unlocked the door.

So the space from when her friends splashed her water, then she ran home, to the sentence when she's in front of her door, needs to be filled. Make the scenes realistic and natural.

Teenagers don't literally run home. Even if she did run home, there's need to know her emotions, was the day sunny or rainy that made her run? Was she running to meet up with something at home? Use these infos to fill up such incomplete scenes.

And if a particular scene doesn't help with the story then remove it entirely.

¤Strengths - Good writing style, well developed writing voice.

Body

¤Opening - Taking deep breaths, Gwen looked at the golden gates of her new school.

I would suggest you move Gwen's part and start exclusively by describing the school settings and location before introducing the character Gwen.

Or if the character is coming first, then write exclusively about Gwen's background, before introducing the school and settings.

One should come first.

¤Conflict - No notable conflict is going on for now.

¤Plot - First chapter had about five characters storyline which is too much to contain. There's Gwen, Paige, Walter, Dawn, Christiana, Happiness and Blaine...geeezz! It's too much for one chapter let alone the first chapter.

First chapters are meant to introduce the main character and the story to readers. Other characters can come later.

I suggest you divide the first chapter and work fully with either one or two of the main characters.

From chapters one through five, the kids were in school, I kept wondering what were they even doing in the school that took almost five chapters?

There were instances of irrelevant scenes that didn't help with the story.

Writing about five girls with different personalities and lifestyle can be tasking. Work with two characters per chapter so that the chapter doesn't get tangled with different conflicting names.

¤Setting - Settings was lost somewhere as the story progressed. There was less descriptions of places and locations.

¤Characterization - There's good background information on the characters, all you need now is character voice and tone to distinguish Gwen from Christiana, or Paige.

Each should have her own distinct voice and personality that makes them rela

¤Dialogue - For the dialogue, because there was no distinct voice to separate the characters, they all sounded alike. Their conversation is not fully developed and engaging.

Example the conversation or argument between Christiana and Dawn in chapter one and between Gwen and the blonde boy in chapter two.

Try expatiating their conversation, let their words be as natural as possible, not rigid. You can study people discussing in real life and note their expressions and reactions.

¤Point of View - The story is written from third person pov which is okay for the story.

¤Show versus tell - Both showing and telling is balanced in the story.

¤Format of the text - Paragraphing was done right. The text is readable.

¤Grammar and spelling - Good grammar with no punctuation errors.

¤Style - Writing style is a bit constricted.

Conclusion

Comments - I noticed that (Maybe, am not sure) you are writing a story you think people or readers will relate to easily. A teen fiction with a bunch of girls living with strict parents whose basic goals is to have some boyfriends, be popular at school and the usual teen adventures... Yeah sounds interesting but, I see you have lot more potential to expand this story.

Don't restrict yourself or your characters to the normal cliche teen fictions stories on wattpad. Work out the story in your own style and don't be afraid to create something different.

Try creating different bold and clearer book covers and see which one suits your story best.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just PM me or hit the comments.