Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 24 The Prince and the PA

Introduction

*Book title and author -  The Prince and the PA By Amandadahhhling
Genre - Romance

*First impression – PA? what does that mean?
(don’t mind me, just kidding)

*Weakness – Darling, Your weakness is:

One- beginning each chapter with Grace thinking or doing something that is just too regular or boring.

Chapter I - There I was innocently walking to my job interview...

Chapter 2 – When I got back to my sister faith’s house...

Chapter 3 – The phone is ringing in my ear...

And the rest of the beginning of the chapters went on like this.

Two - There are some irrelevant details that don’t need explanations and there are some relevant informations that need explanation. You kinda mix up the two sometimes.

Example, somewhere in chapter three says,

I gathered my satchel, stuck my laptop inside it and Faith gave me her grocery list. Then I got in my sister’s van and headed to the grocery store…

Faith’s grocery list always contained something new that I’d never tried before. She loved to experiment in her recipes. I never worried though; everything she made was delicious…

Really?

This whole grocery list stuff was totally irrelevant to the story.

Three - And Faith again... she is Grace’s sister, fine, in chapter two, you introduced her as

Faith was in her daisy apron and had auburn hair in a messy bun…

She loved an earth tone décor and it showed all through her house. But the kitchen I always felt was the most relaxing.

Faith was always at the stove. Since it was her kitchen and also her favorite room in the house, she didn’t like it when other people cooked or prepared food. Faith’s dream was to go to culinary school and become a chef. The kitchen was her domain, which worked out perfectly because I didn’t like cooking and I especially didn’t like the cleaning up process after the cooking.

Geezzz!! This was exhausting to read and write. Who is Faith? Is she the PA to Trump or something? She keeps getting in the way and you wrote three paragraphs just talking about Faith….faith faith!

The whole Faith description was jammed up in one paragraph, it got exhausting.

*Improvement – Its all about learning the difference between showing and telling. Know when a particular detail needs explanation, and learn when not to use explanation.

Also spread out characters descriptions and settings through the story. Jamming them up in one paragraph may not give a natural flow.

*Strengths – There is a strong writing voice and the tone of the story is engaging. Good writing style. Diction is on point.

Body

*Opening – Aleckin Rupert Branson Rousseau, His Royal Highness, The Crown Prince of Kalaira, was an asshole. I could say this with the utmost authority as he just sped down the road without a care.

So this was the first two sentences of the opening paragraph. Firstly, the word ‘asshole’ could mean different things to different people.

The actions going on here may be interesting viewing it from your imagination but it doesn’t really interpret that way in words. Why? Because there have not been a previous connection between the ‘prince’ and the ‘lady’, so calling him ‘asshole’ may not really register in the readers mind.

Either there have been a previous encounter between them or none at all. Preferably I would suggest, maybe an unknown driver and not necessarily the prince.

*Conflict – The conflict is about Grace working with the prince and if she will succumb to his demands.

*Setting – The settings of a chapter normally comes at the beginning. Using the weather condition, the background description, the kind of people and houses around the area, you develop a strong setting before introducing the characters. This was a bit lacking in your chapters.

Although most of the descriptions came at the middle of the chapters which was not coherent with the scenes.

*Characterization – characters are relatable and developed. But when it comes to Grace, her personality is all over the place. The question is, who is Grace Delaney? Apart from been a single girl (living with her sister, Faith) wanting to be the prince PA? Faith's personality was pretty stable and strong.

*Dialogue – Good dialogue between the characters

*Point of view – First person pov suited the story.

*Show versus tell –There was more of telling than showing.

*Format of the text – Paragraphing was done properly.

*Grammar and spelling – There were few spelling errors. And Faith again? Faith is grace’s sister we all know that, there is no need to keep writing ,my sister, my faith, my faith, my sister, my sister….ahh!

So who is the self insert, Faith or Grace? hehe…

*Style – Beautiful writing style and gripping writing voice.

Conclusion

Comment - The Prince and his PA is really an interesting book. Writer has a captivating voice. The hint of humor gives a sense of relaxation when reading. I think your cover is not really portraying the good stuff in the book. It's okay but not catchy for a romance book. It's all good though.

Good story and good luck with the rest of the story.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just PM me or hit the comments.