Rookywriters Book Reviews

Review 16 @xxMarygoldxx

Book: My lover My family
Author: xxMarygoldxx

REVIEW

1. First chapter blues

* Summary / prologue - Good catchy summary. Well written.

* Intro to main character - Main characters from your story are Rohit and Raj. The intro to their lives was good but I think too much information was spilled in chapter one alone.
Especially for Rohit. Some of his body descriptions and personal informations can come later in other chapters.

* Intro to story - Good intro to story, but don't you think both guys meeting suddenly in chapter one is little bit quick. Take the Raj pov part over to chapter two. And if possible make them meet in chapter three.

* Intro to genre - Good intro to genre.

2. Story Settings

* Description - Chapter two basically had no description of what was happening, where they were, location, scene, weather etc.

* Theme Theme of friendship was noted.

* Intrigue / Suspense factor - Right now there's no suspense or intriguing scenes.

* Relation to genre -Story is still loading. Need to read to find out.

* Time setting - Instead of writing 'time skip', write 'few hours later.'

* Character development - Character description was a little too perfect. People's body are not perfect altogether. There should be some areas which may not be attractive or a weak point in the characters.

3. Story Tone

* Grammar - When you edit, remember to fix quotation marks, full stop and capital letters for names and beginning of sentences.

The use of underline and italics randomly in a chapter causes distortion and can make readers loose concentration when reading. Use sparingly.

* Dialogue - Dialogue is simple for two matured men. I think Rohit and Raj are adults, include bits of mature talk in their dialogues.

* Choice of words - Good choice of words.

* Chapter flow - The scene skip from chapter one to chapter two was totally confusing. Like I suggested divide chapter one into two, and make the second chapter, chapter three. This will enable write more about the story.

* Writing voice - Good engaging writing voice.

4. Creativity

* Plot development -Based on chapter one alone, I don't know if Rohit and Raj knew themselves before or not. Because the sudden acquaintances and agreeing to go on a date was too sudden.

Chapter two, there is no character pov, to know who is speaking.

* Writing style - Writing style is fun and easy to read.

5. Personal thoughts - You have a good story line going on. I think you write like you are in hurry to finish up a chapter.

Writing is an art. You really have to take your time to carefully plot each chapter and work your way word for word, sentence for sentence, paragraph for paragraph, gradually build up a chapter.

Don't be in a hurry to publish a chapter. Always check out those tiny details in writing you think are not relevant.

Also use your imagination to build a world around your characters, let them have a life within that world and develop their back story from that world. That is why it is called plotting. With this you will be able to describe their environment, the weather and timing.

* Overall - I don't know how the rest of the chapters will be like, right now I give you an 8 out of 10!

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