Rookywriters Book Reviews

Review 41 @ThatObsessedWriter

Book: VLAD
Author: @ThatObsessedWriter

1. First chapter blues

*  Summary / prologue - First of all, the word 'impaled' is sort of overused in the summary. Vlad the impaler is enough to tell readers exactly what he does. The summary also have some sentences repeated.

...she is noticed by Vlad one day who takes an instant liking to her. He is drawn to her beauty and incredible singing, beginning to fall. Madly in love with her.

We get it, Vlad falls in love with her.

Simplify the sentences and cut of the excess information.

*  Intro to main character - Good intro to main character Vlad.

*  Intro to story - Chapter one opens up the story well. Chapter one as a whole was literally too long I must say. Most readers read with their phones it will help if long chapters are split to make reading interesting.

*  Intro to genre - Good intro to genre, romance and historical fiction.

2. Story Settings

*  Description - There was no complete description of the characters. Especially Vlad and Maria. I really can't picture what they would look like in my head.

Their mode of dressing at certain times of the day is necessary in character development.

*  Theme - Theme of love and history was noted.

*  Intrigue / Suspense factor - There is no significant suspense in the story because obviously the impaled falls in love with the singer, the rest of the story is probably about people being impaled at some point.

*  Relation to genre - The story is full related to historical fiction.

*  Time setting - Timing is noted in the story.

*  Character development - The whole character development is supposed to happen between chapter one and three, but it seems Vlad was in a hurry to have Maria.

We get to know about Vlad's achievements, impaling hobbies and all, but there was no personal information about who he really is when he is alone.

And Maria, beautiful, helpless, good daughter of her poor parents, singer and stuff, so what are her dreams, plans and personal attributes as the female character?

3. Story Tone

*  Grammar - Good grammar and good diction however the paragraphs was too long. Break paragraphs into smaller chunks when introducing a new character, or new scenes or dialogue.

There are some areas where some words are repeated again in a paragraph. Example in chapter two,

Maria gazed at the letter, her hands trembled with the letter. She blinked staring at the letter silently.

The word 'letter' is mentioned thrice.

Maria stared at the letter in her trembling hands. She blinked several times, speechless as she tried to make meaning out of the piece of paper in her hands.

Well, something like this sounds better.

She opened her mouth and then shut it. Her lower lips was quivering.

Both sentences mean the same thing. 'Her lower lips quivered' is enough to pass the info.

Also, the use of the word 'then' was a little overused in most chapters. Cut it out entirely from sentences.

Also mind the commas and full stop. Some sentences which are short and complete should end with a full stop not comma. While incomplete sentences can have comma in the middle.

*  Dialogue - Well, the dialogue mainly centered on Vlad. Every other character barely spoke too much. Vlad had controlled of every conversation. It kind of made dialogue one sided.

*  Choice of words - Good choice of words for a historical story.

*  Chapter flow - Story flowed smoothly from chapter to chapter.

*  Writing voice - Good and intriguingly strong writing voice.

4. Creativity

*  Plot development - Plotting is well developed. From the flow of the story and story content i can see that the plotting was carefully and professionally done. Good.

I would suggest you make chapter one Vlad's part, and move Maria's part over to chapter two. This way we can get full descriptions of who Vlad is and who Maria is.

Combining the two parts, makes chapter one stuffed and less readable even when there are intriguing scenes happening.

It would be more intriguing if Vlad first met Maria in maybe chapter three or four, that spikes readers interest to want to read more.

*  Writing style - Writing style is totally applauding. Well developed writing style.

5. Personal thoughts - Story idea is great. World building is done professionally. I really enjoyed reading because you have a special way of convey messages in the story with your diction.

*  Overall - Good story concept with a catchy historical background. You get a 10 out of ten!

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