Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 1 Soulmate cookies

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - Soulmate cookies by findmysteryinme
Genre - General fiction

¤ First impression - From the first few, paragraphs of the first chapter I will say the first impression was not captivating at first. But as I read further I began to piece the connections together.

¤ Weakness - Short sentences. Incomplete thoughts sentences. No vivid descriptions of location and characters.

¤ Improvement - At the beginning of each chapter, a little description can be written about the location where the scene is taking place.

Short sentences and incomplete thoughts occurred too often. In chapter one, the first few lines was not clear what the character was thinking or talking about.

¤ Strengths - Dialogue between characters was the number one strength of the writer. Most information was passed through the dialogue.

Good title for a magic story. The scenes evolve around the title. Good.

Good story idea.

Body

¤ Opening - The opening to the story was weak. The first few sentences didn't grab my attention. Because the sentences was hitting on different feelings at different frequencies. I couldn't tell what exactly the protagonist was thinking. Or was it the author thinking.

Example : The first chapter opening lines says-

What would be the first thing to come to your mind if a miracle happened?

Well I would choose the word strange.

What if it happened everyday?

Then it's really really strange... There is a one hundred percent chance that something is wrong with your brain.

Readers may not get where all this thoughts is coming from. Reading through the whole story I didn't see a connection of a miracle, it was more of magic.

¤ Conflict - There a single conflict notable in the story. The diary saga conflict.

¤ Plot - The main plot of the story is not really clear. The diary's connection with eating magic cookies in the cafe felt like a joke at first. Until at chapter 8 and 9 when Darlena confronts Ivy about playing with magic.

The main character's goal need to be clear and specific. Is she looking for love, magic or solving some puzzles in the diary or all of the above.

Some scenes didn't help further the story, like chapter four.

¤ Setting - There's no enough description in the background of the story to paint a picture in the readers mind.
Names of the town, city or country was not consistent.

¤ Characterization - The characters especially those that work in the cafe are questionable. Chapter 5 is supposed to tell us who they really are but the information floating around got a little confusing, as to whether they are humans or not.

'You people aren't humans?' I raised my eyebrows.
Well if yes, then it wouldn't surprise me at all because I already know Daniel wasn't human. He's the son of the devil.

'We are humans, though I wish I wasn't. It'd give me an easier life. Unfortunately we are humans trying to find the real owner of the diary.' Eric chuckled.

Eric chuckling signals he is either lying or joking.

Reading further down...

'So you people are the gods followers too?'

'No! We aren't actually-"

'We are their helpers. We are here to find the real master. This is our destiny.' The devil finally spoke.

In this sentence, they are helpers. So what exactly are they? I don't think Ivy understood who they were either.

One way you can clarify this is telling a background story about where this guy's comes from. There's no need to keep hiding or keeping the real story away from readers. It's your story tell it as it is. Are they ghosts, or fairies or gods, or angels or magicians?

¤ Dialogue - You did a good job with the dialogues. The characters seem to say what's on their mind as bluntly can be. But the characters suddenly began to have similar personalities. Characters can have different personalities, some can be the talkative, others can be quiet. This way readers can vibe with each one differently.

Use of dialogue tags was lacking. When characters are speaking they convey emotions with their words. This is expressed with the use of dialogue tags.

¤ Point of View - The story is written from first person pov which is done properly. Ivy's pov is kind of limited. Her senses wasn't broad enough to locate every other detail around her.

¤ Show versus tell - The story focused more on telling and readers got information about what is going on through the character dialogues.
There was no chance however to show what they characters was feeling after their discussions.

¤ Format of the text - The writing text is readable except the short sentences which caused breakage in the flow of emotions when reading.

Learning to let emotions of the characters flow steadily in a chapter without breaking grips the readers attention.

¤ Grammar and spelling - Grammar and spelling was good. There were few areas that needs adjustment. Example in chapter 8,first paragraph, "walls have ears" could be italicized, (walls have ears) There's no need for the quotation marks.

¤ Style - Writing style is quite humorous. Judging from the first person pov writing style, the main character seem not to be the type that takes things too seriously.

Conclusion

¤ Comments - The characters are really relatable and the cafe is a strong point in the story. The theme of magic lacks development. The need to know where this magic is coming from, and why Ivy is involved with it needs to be exposed.

The title is catchy, summary is well written. The book cover though has much colors going on, it may not have that vibe for a magical romance book at first.

You have a good story, I had fun reading it.

Thanks for letting me evaluate thy book.

Any comments or questions just DM me or hit the comments.

Bang!