Rookywriters Book Reviews

Review 20 @Jaewriters

Book: Beautiful Disaster
Author: Jaewriters

REVIEW

1. First chapter blues

* Summary / prologue - Beautiful catchy summary you've written. Good.

* Intro to main character - In chapter one, our main character Jasmine Wren was introduced beautifully just as her name

* Intro to story - The activities going on, in chapter one alone brought out a whole lots from the story.

* Intro to genre - Teen fiction is the genre. Very well introduced.

Beautiful disaster passed the first chapter blues. Good work Jaewriters.

2. Story Settings

* Description - There was scanty description of locations, like Jasmin's room, the school, the environment, the teachers etc

* Theme - The theme of teen angst, boyfriend, school problems, family problems etc was well observed.

* Intrigue / Suspense factor - Well, there was no necessary intriguing factor in the story. Most teen fiction stories are generally predictable.

* Relation to genre - Story is related to the genre.

* Time setting - Timing in the story is observed.

* Character development - Characters are well developed. Though from the moment a new character is introduced, readers can tell what kind of attitude he or she will have. Pretty normal for teen fiction.

3. Story Tone

* Grammar - Good punctuation marks. Some dialogues had more than one exclamation marks ! ! ! !

Limit it to one. It doesn't make any difference whether you use more than one.

* Dialogue - The dialogues moved the story forward. Good.
* Choice of words - Good choice of words for the story.

* Chapter flow - Each chapter flowed well. To me it felt like an episode than chapter.

* Writing voice - Writing from Jasmine's point of view was coherent through out the book. Great. But sometimes readers want to connect with the writer's view of a point. Your voice was somehow hidden behind Jasmine's.

4. Creativity

* Plot development - Your story plotting was really cool. Not too professional and not too immature. Just somewhere in the middle.

I think what you need mostly for the story is fillers. Fillers are the little information needed to fill up the chapters. And you get these info from the story settings.

Example in chapter one, the first paragraph intro to the character Jasmine lacked the necessary fillers.

The room was engulfed in darkness, the type of darkness that was not strange to me and there I was laying on the cold floor as I faced the ceiling.

A tear after its long struggle to escape finally escaped from one eye sliding down my cheeks smoothly until it dried out.

Fillers for this paragraphs are:
1. What kind of room is it? Is it big or small, what's the colors of the wall. Was the darkness coming from the night or was the darkness coming from her life? Why did she lay on the floor? Is that where she usually sleeps or just didn't have a bed in her room. What made the floor cold? The weather or was her body cold?

2. What made the tear fall? Was she crying before or not? Did the tear escape from her left or right eye?

This little infos matter a lot especially for the first chapter.

This goes for the rest of that intro in the first chapter.
When you put these information together, you can fill up the paragraphs and give readers an insight to what really is happening with the character.

The first chapter is what keeps readers engaged to continue reading and if it is not catchy and presentable enough they will loose interest.

* Writing style - The story was fast paced. Chapters are written in a super quick, fast forwarding style. And you the writer was totally involved with the main character Jasmine, as every scene of the story evolved around her. It literally got boring at a point.

Other characters would have gotten some chapters of their own and allow Jasmine to take a break.

5. Personal thoughts - The title and book cover are really catchy and will pull readers in. But the content may not keep readers engaged. If you can work on filling out the chapters with more information like I suggested, it will really bring a positive response.

* Overall - Good story and relatable characters. You get a 9 out of 10.

#####