Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 5 Dabara Tumbler

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - Dabara Tumbler by omahazeeya
Genre - Romantic comedy

¤ First impression - Prologue... For a start I thought the prologue was too long. I didn't even know I was reading a prologue I had to check again. Prologue is like an intro to the story, like introducing one or two important characters to readers before the actual story begins.

¤ Weakness - Diction was quite overwhelming for a romantic book. Some words used in the story may work well with a fantasy or thriller stories not totally in a romance book. Words like bequeath, grapple, lumping, besetment, etc

¤ Improvement - The prologue had about five character names mentioned and the scenes was not catchy. I will suggest to only write the scenes that are really important and involve characters that are also important. Also pass the info that readers need to know which will raise interest to read the story.

Or better still the prologue can be the first chapter. My suggest...

¤ Strengths - Well elaborate writing style. Well detailed long chapters.

Body

¤ Opening - The chapter titles was catchy. As I wanted to see how it was related with the scenes.

The first scene was super catchy. It defied the usual cliche openings. Good work there.

¤ Conflict - The love desire of Himani to be with the one she loves raised the conflict level in the story.

¤ Plot - There is a gradual plotting of story. No action is rushed, every scene is well detailed and clarified. Each character posed with his own role in the plot. There's actually no dull moment in that family.

¤ Setting - The story naturally is embedded in Indian culture, which was interesting to read about. The description of the locations and characters was good enough to paint a picture in my mind as I read.

The names of the hospitals, addresses, work places was very natural and it created vivid pictures in the imagination. Good.

Timing and order of events was also consistent and every activity seem to roll down from morning to night in each chapter.

¤ Characterization - Well detailed characterization. All the characters had a role to play in the story. All attention wasn't focused on the main characters only which is a plus for this book.

Raghav's character created a positive, innocent yet playful imagery about his character, in contrast to Himani's uptight and strict character.

Good job with the detailed development of the characters. Especially the scenes involving Raghav riding on his motorcycle.

¤ Dialogue - Well detailed dialogues between characters. The conversation between the characters ran deep with emotions until they were exhausted with what they had in mind. It was interesting to read. Nice work.

¤ Point of View - Written from the third person pov, the writer expressed intricately how each character felt in each chapter. Nice work there.

¤ Show versus tell - There was more showing in the story. Every action and scene was laid bare for the reader, which is good.

¤ Format of the text - paragraphing was done properly.

¤ Grammar and spelling - Spelling was good. Grammar was on point. Some sentences was rather long as a result of how it was constructed, and most were interpreted differently from the intended meaning in the paragraphs. Example in chapter six.

Rumbling on his bed for a few more seconds, Raghav found his phone - it was flipped in the middle of the bed but dormant at its best - the sound of ringing still drifting through him.

Can be rewritten as...

Raghav rumbled on his bed for a few seconds searching for his phone. He found it flipped open in the middle of the bed, silent - the sound of ringing still drifting through him.

Try reshuffling the sentences in accordance with what action happened first.

Some sentences contained more than one irrelevant verbs that will still make sense if it wasn't there. Example

He raised to his heels and chucked a glance at the empty hallway from where the phone ringing was sailing in...

Chuck a glance is merely repetition

Raghav could 'chuck his head' or 'glanced at'

Another example, Still the same chapter...

When he spotted the glimpse of her phone...

Should be

'When he caught a glimpse of her phone...'  Or

'When he spotted her phone...'

Also synonyms of a word may or may not work perfectly in a context.

Example the word, Construe means to interpret or explain the meaning of something in a grammatical situation.

It was used in this sentence,

'Her eyebrows were construed to a very bothered frown.'

Construe can't be related with the human body.

The sentence can be rephrased to...

'She curved her eyebrows to a worried frown.'

There are more examples like this where the wrong synonym of a word is used in a different context. This can actually give off another meaning to the whole sentence.

Sometimes it's easier to use simpler words to pass simple information about an action or emotion.

¤ Style - The writing style is assertive in a way. Although at first it doesn't not really seem in sync with the romantic atmosphere of the book, but as the story matures, there is a mixture of humor and sarcasm in you writing style which you pulled off perfectly well in the book.

Conclusion

Comment - Dabara tumbler is one fresh romantic story with a twist.

The book cover seemed plain at first, but it had the vibes of a classic novel. The first two sentences of the description was not enough to pass the full information of the content of the story, you can add a few more catchy information that will make readers nod their head and want to dive in.

Your writing is really applaudable. Your book is another Indian story I have read and I am really impressed about it.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just DM me or hit the comments.

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