Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 15 Trial By Blood

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - Trail by Blood by Atomica_
Genre - Fantasy / paranormal

¤ First impression - Title... Trial by blood

The title is super catchy, does the content of the book deliver the same?

¤ Weakness - Writing irrelevant scenes and prolonging actions that don't help push the story forward.

¤ Improvement - Trim down irrelevant scenes and character thoughts and flashbacks that don't help with the story.

¤ Strengths - Good character development. Gripping writing style.

Body

¤ Opening - 'Si Miyoung or Friday...' Go with one name for a start.

Mind you every little detail you mention in the first chapter will linger in readers head through out the story. That is why writers spend more time trying to make a perfect first chapter.

'The box of items marked 'TEXTBOOKS' sat heavily in her arms...'

Questions
Does this box Labelled 'TEXTBOOKS' have any relevant to the rest of the story?
Why is textbook written in capital letters? 

I guess it's only her box and luggage.

'...sat heavily in her arms as she walked up the old driveway of the cottage-like house and inside stepping over the hazardous tents in the carpet and narrowly avoiding the potted plant that sat on the first step as she climbed up the steps.'

This is the first chapter, readers are supposed to get a full detailed information on this character and the new house she moved to. Not jamming the whole description of a beautiful cottage house into one sentence.

¤ Conflict - From the tone of the story, there is no strong conflict to carry the story yet.

¤ Plot - Genre says fantasy / paranormal which is not exactly what is going on in the plot.

Yet to see the fantasy and paranormal activities in the story.

¤ Setting - Story settings was observed. Each chapter's settings was well described.

¤ Characterization - From the character development of Friday, she is like the writer's muse. The writer is in full control of her actions. Friday's voice is not fully heard. Judging from the title, Trial by Blood, a lot is expected.
The side characters,
Liang only want to please Friday.

Noah only wants to love Friday.

Jae asks Friday to join him go to a party. Every other human activity evolves around Friday,
Which can get boring at some point.

¤ Dialogue - Dialogue flows well among the characters.

¤ Point of View - The point of view for this story is basically on Friday, which would have been better if it was written from a first person pov.

¤ Show versus tell - Good balance with showing and telling of the characters activities in each chapter.

¤ Format of the text - paragraphing was done properly. Chapter length was normal. Text was readable.

¤ Grammar and spelling - Grammar was on point. Spellings was correct. Tone of writing however, in some parts especially from the main character felt like she was expressing some jokes. Going back and forth just to make a single simple decision can distort reading.

Somewhere in chapter 13

It was late, yes and it was probably a bad idea to go out at this time But it's not like she would be getting any good sleep If she went back home anyway. Might as well spend the night out, right?

Okay it was a stupid idea and really, she should be grateful she got any sleep at all

This whole sentences is literally not helping the story. It makes the main character seem not trustworthy or not sure of herself and she won't be taken seriously at all. And all this is not encouraging to readers.

Also when writing a chapter, try writing the scenes according to time of occurrence. Which one comes first and work it through the chapter.

A lot of random info pops in and out of a whole chapter. It gets so entangled with many irrelevant scenes.

¤ Style - Writing style is humorous and one sided.

Conclusion

Comments - 'Trial by Blood' is more of a teen fiction story than fantasy or paranormal. The title is really fresh and catchy but the content doesn't register with it.
The content itself is interesting in its own way.

The picture on the book cover is  dark, lighten it up or use brighter pictures. You have a good story idea. Get the main character to be more serious and specific about what she wants and get her to take positive action that will benefit her in the long run.

I enjoyed reading your book.

Thanks for letting me evaluate your book.

Any comments or questions about any confusion just PM me or hit the comments.

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