Rookywriters Book Reviews

No. 3 My sweet human mate

Introduction

¤ Book title and author - My sweet human mate by xxMarygoldxx
Genre - Fantasy

¤ First impression - My first impression was the use of italics and bold in chapter one. The story is fast paced. Lack of important description of the characters and locations.

¤ Weakness - The sentences are fast paced. The chapters are a little short with no action pushing the story forward. No proper use of dialogue tags to convey character emotions.

¤ Improvement - The use of italics can be minimised because it distorts reading. Sentences can be made with full descriptions and emotions of the characters can be expressed fully, not summarised in a hurry.

¤ Strengths - Good story idea. Strong writing style for a fantasy book.

Body

¤ Opening - Chapter one, Jacobs Pov was written in italics. Does it mean he was thinking, or dreaming or having a flashback. Use of italics always indicate there's something different going on with the character. Use sparingly.

¤ Conflict - Apart from Jacob searching for his mate, there isn't much conflict going on in the story.

¤ Plot - Plotting is done well. But some chapters were rather short. Like chapter six. A good chapter should be at least 800 words and above. Use description of places and characters to fill up the chapters. Also tell readers what the character is feeling, his thoughts and plans too.

In chapter ten, we suddenly meet a new character who makes a call to an unknown boss. Well, there should have been a hint sooner so that readers will have an idea of who they are.

¤ Setting - The timing of the story was lost somewhere. There are not enough description in the background of the story to paint a whole picture of a scene.

¤ Characterization - The main characters Edward, Jacob and Zelia seemed didn't have catchy personalities to flow with the story. Each of them need to have special traits that makes them unique, form the way they dress, they way they speak and manner of approach.

The story can be improved by adding more details of both Edward and Jacob,

¤ Dialogue - The dialogue was normal for the characters in the first eight chapters. There was no conflict going on and the characters were kind of chilling with themselves.

¤ Point of View - The story had lot of pov going on in the chapters and it got confusing at some point. Between Edward and Jacob, there was no difference in how they related, they were beginning to feel like the same person.

¤ Show versus tell - There was more telling than showing in the first ten chapters. Sometimes it's better to let characters show what is actually happening with them than the writer telling it.

¤ Format of the text - The format and paragraphing was not really good. Break down long paragraphs and neatly space out the dialogues.

¤ Grammar and spelling - The use of too many writing tools made your work unreadable at first. Some parts were underlined, bold and italicized. Most readers read with their phones, all this can get them bored.
Example chapter three had much of these going on.
Always use quotation marks to indicate where the characters are talking.
You really can't use bold, italics and underline in a sentence. Its too much.

¤ Style - Your writing style shows you're the story-telling type of writer which is normal.
Telling is good. But sometimes a writer has to show us what is happening.

Conclusion

Comment - When writing, you need to calm down a bit and work out the story chapter by chapter. For example, the chapter where Edward meets Jacob, it's more professional to allow the characters to work their way to meet each other gradually. Don't just force the meeting to happen too quickly, it wouldn't be natural.

You have a really good story. I will always be a fan of werewolf/vampire stories. There are so many of it on wattpad, make yours different. Be creative with the characters, include more actions and let the characters have stronger personalities to carry the readers through the story.

Anyways, I had fun reading...

Thanks for letting me evaluate thy book.

Any comments or questions just DM me or hit the comments.