Breathing In

Chapter // Ten

Alex's POV

I open my eyes and see a nurse on top of me performing CPR. "We've got a heartbeat" the nurse yells out as she keeps pushing down on my chest. I try to talk, but I can't make out any words. I can feel my eyes start to shut again, but I have so control over it right now. I want to keep them open, but they slam shut. My heart rate starts to slow down again. "She's becoming unresponsive again!" I can faintly hear her yell again. Everything started to quiet down. It felt..peaceful. I'm trying to smile, but I don't know if I am. This is the first moment of actual silence I've had in a while. Even when I'm alone I can hear the screams from my head telling me what I do remember and what I don't.

I remembered my mom after she showed me a bunch of old pictures of us. My memories of her all came piecing together, and I felt a little normal after that breakthrough. Nothing else really came back. I don't even remember why I'm in the hospital. The doctors told my mom that I was in too fragile of a state to hear what happened to me. In my opinion, I think that not knowing is making me worse. I keep thinking of possible scenarios of why I'm even in here.

I start to slowly hear the nurses again. They get louder and louder as time passes. I want out of here so bad. I want to see what my home looks like, and what kind of food my mom keeps in the house. I'm sick of this hospital food. My breathing starts to increase. The more I can hear from the doctors the more irritated I get. I want it to be quiet again. I try to take in a deep breath, but nothing really comes in. I let go of myself and let the doctors work.

Luke's POV

"I'm sorry, mom.." I say as I cry into my moms arms. I lay my head down on her shoulders and let it all out. She rubs my back with one hand and brushes through my hair with the other. I feel horrible for hardly talking to her over the whole tour. "It's alright.. I know how much you love her." My mom says. That makes me cry even more. Knowing how much I love her hurts me. It hurts knowing that I am so in love with her, and she doesn't even know who I am. For the past 365 days I've spent with her I've been learning everything about her. I've fell in love with everything she does and now it's all gone. She probably doesn't even remember the things that I know about her.

"You know about Alex's mom trying to pull this?" My mom says as lightly pushing me off her. She holds bother of her hands on my shoulders as she looks into my swollen red eyes. She wipes away the tears falling from my eyes with her thumb. I nod my head and try to stop my tears. "I'm not going to let her." I fall back down into my moms arms as my tears come back.

-next day-

Alex's POV

I wake up from the sunlight shining straight into my eyes from the hospital window. I've been moved back into the main hospital building after the cardiac arrest. The doctors told me that it'd be better for me to be as near as possible to a professional. Most of the people in the other buildings are nurses helping people recover. Apparently my heart slowed down from all of the stress that my body almost gave up. All of my stuffs been moved into this room, but nothing's the way that I put it. I sit up from the hospital bed, and hang my feet off.

I push myself off as my feet hit the cold floor. Everything in this room looks pale or white, and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I'm in a mental institution. The note that Luke had given me sits on the table next to my bed unopened. I shake it off and poke my head out of the door. After I get dressed for the snow outside I slowly walk out of the room. I'm not supposed to leave my room unattended, but I'm sick of being watched like a baby. I don't need a doctor watching me while I take a walk. I walk down the hallway practically guarding my face from every doctor that I've seen in the past few days.

When I make it to the front doors I start walking faster to walk away. I turn left to start walking around the hospital. I don't want to go too far, but I'm done being supervised. It's so bright outside. Almost as bright as the headlights were.. "The headlights!" I accidentally yell out. A car accident! I start to remember a car hitting me..but I can't remember much else.. All I can see is headlights coming right towards me, and how the brightness hurt my eyes. I try to warm my hands up in my jacket pocket, so I bring them together. The sidewalks look like they were just shoveled right next to the untouched snow.

I get to the back of the hospital and see just how bare and empty it is. There's a tall dead tree with a wooden bench sitting next to it. The bench looks away from the hospital and faces just a lot of land. It looks like it could go on forever. I walk through the snow that almost reaches my ankles and towards the bench. I wipe off the snow from the bench where I want to sit down at. I sit down and cross my legs as I stare out into the snow. There's not a cloud in the sky, and the sun shines right down to my face. The warmth feels good on my skin, whereas the rest of my body starts to freeze. I think I'm shivering, but I don't focus too much on it.

I take in a deep breathe and lean my head back as I let all control of my body go. When I finally lose all control my eyes start to water. It all comes out as I start crying into my hands. Not knowing who's even important in my life is killing me. Do I have any friends? Do I have a job? I'm feel like a blank canvas, and the painting is up to me.

I lean my back back and close my eyes as the tears keep falling. I don't try to stop them. I let it all come out. I can't stop thinking about how Luke said that he missed me and about how horrible I felt about not missing him back. I wanted to miss him, but I just couldn't. I've been trying to remember him, but nothing seems to click. Why would my own mother lie to me? I tell myself over and over again that she wouldn't, but I can't bring myself to actually believe it. Everything in my head spins, as the tears don't feel to stop falling.

The untouched ground reminds me so much of myself right now. I've always told myself when I was in a bad mood that I wished I could start over, but now that it's actually happened I want nothing more in the world but to remember my life again. I had to have known Luke somehow.. He wouldn't have just bared into a random hospital room and given me a note if he didn't know me.

Luke's POV

I wake up from the sounds of my Twitter blowing up. I haven't tweeted in over three months, and my last one was telling everyone that I was going off for a while and how sorry I am. Most of the fans understood and stopped tweeting me, but last night I started getting spam from the fandom about them wanting a follow. I unlock my phone and go to my Twitter notifications. I scroll through and see a picture of a magazine that has my face on it. I click on the picture and see a picture of me walking down the highway from last night with a caption of "LUKE HEMMINGS- LEAD SINGER OF 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER SEEN BACK IN HIS HOMETOWN!" I start scrolling again and the more I do the more I see of the magazine.

I click out of my notifications and see that Ashton tweeted about how I'm not actually in my hometown, and that the picture was photoshopped. I smile at that tweet and retweet it. The very second I do my phone starts flooding with "where have you been" tweets. I toss my phone down on my bed and stand up off my bed. I miss waking up to see Alex rushing to get ready to go back to her house because her mom never knew when she stayed the night.

We were thinking about getting our own apartment, but I wanted Alex to think about what she wants to do with her life before she decides to really settle down anywhere. Now that I look back and think about it I wish more than anything that we would have gotten our own apartment. Maybe if we would have I would be waking up the Alex lightly snoring with one of my shirts on over her. Instead I'm being the biggest ass to my friends that I live with and waking up by myself.

(A/N: hi! It's katie (@fallinforluke on ig) I hope you guys like the chapter! Comment what you think and vote if you like it!)