Breathing In

Chapter // Thirty Seven

I'm laying the snow, the cold white snow. I look up to see snowflakes falling around me. One falls on my nose and instantly melts. I start to get up. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I start to get scared. Where am I? I look around and I see someone, but who is it? I scream hello and the person stops walking and just stands there. I turn around from the person to just see trees that go on for miles. I turn around to see if the person is still there and he's right in front of me. Luke? He looks different. He's not himself.
.
"All I ever did was love you."
"I know. The thing is you remember me. I still don't remember everything."
"All I ever did was love you Alex. I did nothing to deserve to lose you."
"You didn't lose me."
.
"Yes I did. You still don't remember me. Now look at me. I'm back to drugs. I'm not myself. I'm different. I'm going to die one day because of this."
Chills go down my spine. By this he means me.
.
"No don't say that Luke. I do love you. Even though I don't remember you entirely I do love you." I feels a tear stream down my face, "Luke listen to me. I'm sorry for all this. I do need you. I can't lose you."
.
All of a sudden his body falls to the ground. A scream escapes my mouth. I slowly kneel down by his body. No pulse. I lost him...
.

I wake up in a panic sweat. I'm in his hospital room. I look over to him. He lays on the bed looking lifeless. I get up to get a drink. How long have I been here? Where is his mum?

"Alex?"

I turn around to see a woman.

"Yes?"

"It's me Liz?"

Liz...Liz...Luke's mum.

"Liz."

I give her a hug. My mum isn't here and all I need and want is a hug.

"It's ok. I'm here."

"I'm sorry Liz. Its all my fault." I say between sobs.

"Oh baby it isn't. You did nothing wrong."

"I had a nightmare. I lost him. He left me. As in no pulse."

"Alex he isn't going to.."

A loud beep comes from his room which cuts her off. Doctors run in. I fall to the ground. The room starts to get dizzy. Then the world goes black.

~~~

Its past midnight and Luke's room is empty, everyone gone but me and Luke. Luke of course still in his hard bed, lifeless looking body laying there, wires all around him, connecting to multiple machines keeping him alive. After Luke's almost death they had put him on heavy meds, barely keeping him alive. I get up and drag my chair over to him, examining his body before sitting down and grabbing his hand.

.

Is this what my life comes to? Sitting here holding my ex's hand who overdosed on drugs. Alone in a cold hospital room, tired but cant sleep.

"God damn it Luke. Why would you do this to yourself?"

I say as if he's going to answer me. We did this to each other.

Liz walks in with my coffee. She looks at Luke. You could just tell she wasn't mad at him. She just wanted him safe.

"Here Alex. You should go to bed sweetheart."

"I know but I can't let him go this time. He's hooked up to everything keeping him alive. I need him here with me. Liz I truly love him. I wish I didn't get into that car crash. I wish I still had him."

"You do. Alex he loves you so much. He just wanted you to love him again."

"I know. Look what I did."

"Like I said you didn't cause this."

"I know. I just blame myself."

"Not trying to be rude but your mother caused this. Caused you guys to fight and end up like this."

"I know she did. I'm pissed at her for it."

"Go to sleep Alex."

"Ok."

I get up some the chair and walk to the couch. As I grab my blanket and start to lay on the couch the loud beep happened again.

"Alex get out."

"NO!" I screamed. "I'm not losing him again. Luke! Please don't leave me." I run up to him. "Luke! I love you so much. You bring me happiness. Why did this happen?"

"Alex you have to leave." One of the doctors said.

"No. I can't lose him. LUKE! Please. I know you love me. I know you're here. Just come back please."

I fall to the ground. All of a sudden silence filled the room. I look up. No doctors or Liz. Just me and Luke's body.

"Alex....."

I turn around and there stands Luke.

"Luke!"

"Do you really love me?"

"Yes. I truly do. Luke I need you. I really do. If you died I would go kill myself. I can't live without you. It's impossible."

"Why? Why are you saying this now? Why not before?"

"I don't know." I start crying "I really don't. This is all my fault. Your mom keeps saying no but it is mine."

"Alex I love you so much. I could never stop. I just don't want to be lied to."

"I do luke." I walk closer to him. I stand right in front of him. "Luke Robert Hemmings I love you with all my heart." Then I kiss him. Even though I know this is a dream the kiss feels so real.

"Alex please get out. We are trying to work here. We need to save him."

"Luke I love you. Please come back for me. I need you." A tear streams down my face and lands on his arm. I walk out of the room crying. I lost him.

~~~

It's been three weeks since everything happened at the hospital and now I sit in a chair at a funeral. Along with the boys and their girlfriends. My mom even showed up. Liz sits on the other side of the empty chair saved for someone if he shows up. I try not to cry. I just hope he shows up. I need him next to me. I can't believe he's gone. I loved him so much even though I barely knew him. He was there for me before everything happened.

"Ladies and gentlemen we are here to celebrate the life of he not about a lost but think about his life. There is one special girl who loves him a lot and he loved her back. Alex, You may speak now."

I get up and everyone looked at me. When I walk some memories pop into my mind. I do miss him. I wanted to be apart of his life and he wanted to be part of him. But my mom came between us.

"Hi everyone. I'm Alex and I really wanted to say something's. He was a great man. Even though I didn't remember every memory of him because of my accident. He came back to me to be part of my life. I needed him there. He wanted to be my rock. Well I just want him to know someone else is my rock and I think he would love him."

As I am saying my speech I see my rock. He sits down next to Liz and smiles at me and I keep talking. He really is my rock. We've been getting along and the boys thinks it's great that I'm doing good and he's doing good.

"I just wanted to end this speech by saying thank you Luke for being there for me through all this time. It's been hard on me. I love you dad. I hope you're ok without me. I'll see you again one day."

I end my speech and everyone is crying and clapping. I take my seat by Luke. He gives me a kiss and he hugs me.

"It's ok to cry Alex." He whispers in my ear.

"I know. I'm about to."

An- its ging <3 well yeah. Hey bebs well lex wrote most of it and i wrote like a sentence but ily bbys and yah ily and i miss yall Hey guys it's lex. I hope you liked this chapter. So many feels while writing this.