Breathing In

Chapter // Thirty One

Michael's tears fall off his cheek and into the snow below the bench. He's so vulnerable right now and I don't know how to react. He looks at me like I'm his sister, but all I can remember is the last few weeks that I've spent with him. Deep down I know that I've known him before, but I can't for the life of me remember anything before the hospital. I scoot closer to him on the snowy bench and wrap my arm around his shivering shoulders. I look at him while he stares at the ground with tears flooding his eyes. "Michael..Have you talked to Ashton about this yet?" I find the words to say. He slowly lifts his head up to look at me as he raises his eyebrows.

"Yet?! Do you really think I could talk to Ashton about this? This is ridiculous!" Michael nearly starts to shout as his tears start to come faster. I can tell he's holding back most of it, but a lot of it is rolling down his cheek. I decide not to argue with Michael right now and allow him to let out some of his slight anger and confusion. I've seen the way he's looked at Ashton, and I know that what Michael thinks he's feeling is real. Each and every time I catch Michael staring off its always in Ashton's direction. Michael loses control of his tears and his angry expression goes away as his head falls into his hands and his tears start pouring out without any restraint.

He leans to the side and into my chest. I wrap my other arm around him and practically rock him back and fourth like I'm his grandma. He starts crying louder, and it's almost calming. Instead of hearing my own tears and cries hearing Michael cry has snapped me back into reality. I've been living in self pity, and this reminded me about how the planet doesn't revolve around me, and other people have problems just as bad as me. Right now Michael needs me, and I'll be damned if I take away any of the sympathy he needs.

People walk by in the park and look at Michael balling his eyes out, but neither of us acknowledge them. They all just give the same judgmental look that used to make me mad, but I'm way too used to it for it to get under my skin. I hug him tighter and his volume starts to go down. The pressure is calming him down, and making my heartbeat go slower. I could never be able to hug him tight enough to let him know that I'm here for him. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it and continue to rock back and fourth.

"I'm sorry.. but I know it's crazy. Everything I'm thinking is crazy. Hell, I'm crazy! For thinking that maybe there's a small chance that he feels the same way. How could I even think such a way when it's obvious how happy he is with Katie? I'm so selfish!" Michael says in a raspy voice. His voice sounds worn out and tired. "That's not selfish at all. Don't think that way." Michaels face starts to turn red from the cold as he starts to shiver even worse. "I just need to block it out, right? I'm probably just a little lonely.. You know, throughout the whole tour it was just me, Ashton, and Calum. Luke was in his bed the whole time we weren't performing, and Calum was constantly trying to get Luke out of the bed, but it never worked, so that left me and Ashton with a lot of down time. I guess that just kinda brought us together, but there's no possible way I love him.. Right?" Michael says as he kept getting quieter throughout it all.

"I don't believe that for one second, and I think you know good and well you're just trying to make up an excuse. You don't have to, but I think you should try talking to him about all of this.. What's the worst that could happen?" I try to say in an encouraging voice, but I'm not sure if it came out that way. Michael pushes himself out of my arms and stands up off the bench and looks down at me, still sitting down. "The worst thing that could happen is him not loving me as much as I love him back!" Michael shouts out for everyone in the park to hear. We get a few looks again, but for the most part everyone keeps their looks to themselves.

..

When I wake up the next morning I see a whole piece of paper taped to my door. Before I roll out of my bed and out of my blankets I look over to check the time. 1:00pm. I sit up and hang my feet off my bed. It's cloudy outside and there's snow lightly falling. After I left the park last night it started to storm and there was over 2 feet of snow. I can see the sidewalk from my window and I can see it's already been shoveled.

I walk into the kitchen and see a piece of paper laying on the counter. I walk straight to it and bring it to my face to read.

Alexandra- I went on a last minute trip with Melissa to go shopping in the city. I'll be back tomorrow! Love you!

-Mom

I set the note back down on the table and let out a deep breathe. I was going to go get me and my mom some breakfast, but now I'll just get myself some coffee. I walk out to my car and push through the snow to get to the door. I sit down in my car and lay my head on the steering wheel.

Out of nowhere I burst into tears and my cheeks start to flush. I can't stop myself, but the tears keep coming. I accept it and let it all out. My car is freezing, and I have a runny nose. I start to get a headache from all the crying, and it's making everything worse. Tears start dropping into my jeans and everything starts to slow down.

...

(A/N: holy cow this is up late.. Hiii!! It's carver and I hope you liked this very short chapter!! Comment and vote pls!)