Breathing In

Chapter // Thirty Two

*2 weeks later*

"I don't need to be here, I'm not crazy." I say stubbornly to my mother. She took me to a doctor so she could make sure I don't have Aspergers or anything. "I'm not saying you're crazy. I'm saying we need to see what's up with you. All you've been doing lately is sitting on your laptop writing that story or staring blankly out your window. You haven't done anything in weeks!"

She starts to raise her voice, but not in an angry tone. She seems frustrated, but she has no reason to be. I haven't done anything to annoy or upset her, so I don't see the problem. Nothing seems enjoyable to me anymore. Everything that made me happy one day just puts me in an even worse of a mood the next day.

She looks me into my eyes as we sit in the parking lot. I don't want to go in there. I'm not crazy, I'm just a little wore out. I'm incredibly exhausted of trying to piece my whole entire life together. I used to remember small things that would lead to more, but lately I haven't been able to remember anything. I've kinda just given up. I've accepted living in constant confusion.

"I just want to make sure.. Can you just do this for me?" My mom says in a quiet tone. Her frustration has turned to concern and I loosen my grip on my phone that's on my lap. I unbuckle my seatbelt and start walking to the front doors of the hospital. My life seems to be revolving around hospitals lately. First it was from the car accident, then it was recovery, now it's because my mom is convinced that I'm suicidal. I'm not, though. Just a little down. Of course I've thought about it though. I've wished that the accident would have done more that just lose my memory, but I would never do anything my self intentionally to end anything.

My mom points to the waiting room and waves her head towards it to tell me to go wait over there. I'm not a child, I can go talk to the people at the counter on my own, but my mother still believes I'm 9. I follow her directions and walk over to an empty chair in the back of the room. There's nobody else here but a small child sitting against the wall who's damn near tears herself. She's slightly rocking back and forth with her knees to her chest. I try not to make eye contact with her, so when I sit down I pull my phone out to text Luke.

Hey..

I send the text and set my phone down on my lap. I stare at the ground while I try to step on some snow that fell off my shoe. My phone vibrates and I quickly pick it up to open the new text message.

What's up? Is everything alright?

I haven't talked to Luke much in the past few weeks, I've tried to keep my distance. My plan was to try to figure a few things out before I got too serious with him, but I couldn't figure anything out.

Sitting in some hospital waiting room. I'm sorry I've been distant lately..

Hospital waiting room?

My mom took me here to make sure I'm not depressed or anything I guess. She's just being dramatic, though.

Where are you?

It's that one building by Central Park.

I'll be there in five minutes. Meet me in the front of the building.

Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine.

Luke doesn't text back, but five minutes later I see his car pull into a parking spot. My mom is still standing at the counter talking to the lady, but I yell out to here as I stand up off my chair. "I'm gonna get some fresh air. I'll be back in in a few." My mom nods her head and turns back to the woman. I see Luke through the window and it makes me walk faster so my mom doesn't see him.

When I get outside I see Luke with an unrecognizable look on his face. It looks like anger mixed with concern. I've never seen it before, but it's staring to worry me. He's walking so fast he meets me on the sidewalk. "What's going on? Why did she take you here?" Luke says. "Can we talk in your car? I don't want my mom to se-" I start, but Luke interrupts. "Why did she take you here, Alex." He says in a stern voice. "I don't know.. I guess she's just a little worried?" I say confused on his mood. "She's worried?! Alex, you're old enough to move out. You need to talk to her about this, and you need to talk to me about what's been going on with you." Luke says. He eyes are crying for help, and I know he means the best, but how am I supposed to tell him what's been going on if I haven't even stopped to think about it.

I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I'm at a complete loss for words. How do I respond to that? Luke grabs my arm and pulls me with him back towards his car. He lets go of my arm once we reach his car so I can get in myself. I sit down and close the door next to me. Luke walks around the car and gets into the drivers side. It's completely silent once he closes the door behind him. I rub my hands together and try to warm them. Luke looks over at me and takes my hands into his and warms them himself.

"Now tell me what's been going on. It's been a little bit since I've seen you, and I want to know why. It's been a long 14 days, you know? Tell me why you've been hiding." Luke says in less of an angry tone. "I don't know what's going on.. I've just been kinda exhausted.." I say and lean my head back onto the seat as I take a breathe. "Exhausted? Have you been sleeping alright?" Luke says concerned. "I'm not tired exhausted. I'm just tired of trying to piece my life together. I'm exhausted. I've accepted that I'm not going to remember much of my life. That's the hand I was dealt with and I guess I'm fine with that."

"You're fine with that?! There's so much you haven't remembered! So much about us!" Luke shouts. "I've tried so hard, Luke. I've given it my all, but nothing's coming back. My mom said I remembered all the minor events in my life, anyways. I'm fine with this." I try to calm Luke down, but he's furious. "So, that's it? You're just giving up?" He says, close to whispering. I look over at him and see his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks flushed. His eyes are staring to water, but he's holding it back enough for it to stay in one spot. "Don't put it that way.. I've just..accepted it."

Luke shakes his head and looks down at his lap. Before I can talk again, there's pounding on the window next to my head. I look towards it and see my mom staring at me with wide eyes. My heart skips a beat as I look towards Luke and expect him to tell me what to do. But he doesn't. He keeps staring at his lap, only now his eyes are closed. I see a single tear fall from his eye as my mom still bangs on the window.

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(a/n: hi it's katie!!! Hope you liked the chapter! :-) please vote and comment and tell your friends!!)