Breathing In

Chapter // Twenty Six

Luke's POV

When I wake up with my arms around Alex I try to look over her shoulder to see the time on the stereo next to her on the table. 8:03 pm. I can hear Alex lightly breathing, and it calms me down. I can hear the sound of the grandfather clock that's in the living room tick back and fourth, making me stay in this moment longer. I did it again. I chickened out. I need to do it tonight, though. I need to tell her why she can't remember anything, and why she should hate me right now.

I slowly roll out of the bed, trying not to wake her, and put my clothes back on. It's almost completely dark, besides the few lanterns that are lit on multiple places in the room. It's dim, but light enough for me to find my clothes. Before I leave the room I look back at Alex rolled into the blankets with a small smile across her face.

I've let this go on for too long. How did we get here? After all of the lies from her mom, Hunter, and even me, I woke up with her under my arms. That's not how I should have woken up, though. I should be alone, because God knows I don't deserve her.

I push myself out of the front door, and a burst of snow hits me in the face. This is just what I need. Freezing cold air to make me more focused so I can figure out what the fuck I'm going to tell Alex. Just a quick walk.

Alex's POV

My phone buzzes on the nightstand next to my head, and it wakes me up. I hear a door close in the front room, and it makes me practically jump out of the bed in fear. Luke isn't next to me. "Hello?" I yell out, hoping for Luke to respond. "It's just me.. I just needed some fresh air." Luke says from the other room.

I stand up onto the floor and make my way into the living room. Luke is sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands. His boots are covered in snow, almost reaching his pants. When he lifts his face up I can see just how red it is. "Oh my gosh, Luke! Are you alright? You must be freezing!" I say as I walk up to Luke. I pull his hands away from his head and hold them in mine to try to warm them up. He doesn't respond. He looks down at his feet and starts to shiver. I set his hand down, and walk into the kitchen to make him something warm to drink.

After about five minutes of looking for something in this place worth drinking, I managed to find some hot chocolate mix that my dad used to make me. When I'm done making me and Luke a cup I bring him back his drink. He's still staring down at his feet. "Here..take this.. I'll go get a few blankets, and some dry clothes for you." I say to Luke as I hand him the mug. He grabs it slowly, without making eye contact with me. I take a deep breath and turn around to get the stuff.

He's acting weird. He has been acting weird, and it's making me uneasy. He's been acting incredibly distant from me. Something about this whole trip to this damned cottage gives me a bad feeling. He has to tell me something. Something that I don't want to know right now. I grab the blanket that's lying on the bed, and the clothes that Luke was wearing when we fell asleep in. I sit down on the bed before I walk back into the living room.

I still don't know everything about my life, and not nearly as much as I want to know, but right now I just want to go back to bed. I want to cuddle with Luke and listen to the way his heart skips a beat whenever I rearrange myself in his arms to be a little bit more comfortable, but then it goes back to its normal speed, and he gives me a little look that asks me if I'm fine.

"Alex.." I hear Luke say from the couch, "I need to talk to you about something.." He finishes. I take a deep breath and stand up off the bed. I walk back in with the blanket and clothes. "Change back into these, your clothes are soaked. You have to be freezing." I sit down next to him on the couch with the blanket on my lap, and setting the clothes on Luke's lap. "I'll be fine, I just..really have to tell you something. Something that I should have told you a long time ago.." He sets the clothes aside.

"I think you know good and well I won't be paying attention through your shivering. Just get dressed, I won't go anywhere." I say with a slight laugh. He breaks his serious face, and let's out a chuckle. He shakes his head and stands up. I don't want this talk to happen. Yeah, parts of me wants to know what he has to say, but not now. He pulls his shirt off over his head and pulls over the one I gave him. He gets all dressed up and sits back down. I cover his legs with the other half of the blanket, and smile at how cold he still is. I scoot closer to him and try to make things a little less awkward.

"You need to know something.." Luke starts. "Let me guess, is this going to ruin my night?" I interrupt in a low voice. He lightly nods his head. "Can it wait?" He shakes his head no, looking back down at the ground.

Luke's POV

Who am I to ruin her night?

Who am I to spend this night with her?

Her boyfriend that would do anything in this world to make her happy, and here I am about to tell her something that could shatter everything into a million pieces.

I don't want to do this.

That's what you said last time, and look what that bought you. Nightmares that seem to keep coming back each. And. Every. Night.

I can deal with those. As long as she's happy.

For all the wrong reasons.

What am I doing? I'm sick of arguing with myself. I need.. I need.. I need the guys. I leap out of the couch with no hesitation, and automatically put my other clothes back on. I can see Alex talking, but I can't hear anything. All I can hear is the voice in my head yelling at me. Louder than anything Alex could even imagine. Louder than I could imagine. It's giving me a headache.

I slide my shoes back on and run towards the door. I look back at Alex and see her eyes open wider than ever. Maybe I could just wait until after Christmas.. I don't want to ruin that day for her too. I've already ruined our one year, not another day. I just need to talk to the guys. I swing the door open, and start running through the snow. I just keep running.

(A/N: HEY ITS CARVER!! Sorry we've been slacking lately. Our whole group just keeps getting busy, and we keep forgetting, but I'll make sure it doesn't happen as much anymore. Maybe back to daily updates, hopefully. Hope you guys like this chapter!! Comment and vote PLS It means a lot when you all vote and stuff! FOLLOW ME ON IG @fallinforluke OKAY)