Breathing In

Chapter // Thirty Eight

~Alex~

I'm curled up on the boys' couch. My hair in a bun and I'm wearing sweats. I didn't feel like trying to get ready. It's been a day after my dad's funeral. I wanted to spend time with him, but he's not with me anymore. Luke comes out of his bedroom with a blanket.

"Lets do nothing but cuddle. We can watch movies and cuddle. I think it sounds perfect. What about you?"

"Anything with you is perfect."

"So it's settled."

He runs up to the couch and flops down beside me and then he attacks me with the blanket.

"Luke!" I playfully scream.

"I love you Alex."

"Luke. I love you too you big goofball."

He leans down and kisses me. I know what he's doing and it's working.

He lays down behind me and we get into the spooning position. He puts the blanket over us and we cuddle.

"You better not leave me."

"Never."

"Luke sorry to ruin your plans but we have to go recording." Michael says coming out of his room.

"But I'm *cough cough* sick."

"Luke you have to go."

I kiss him slowly.

"I'll be here when you get back."

"Fine. Mikey catch me."

Luke falls into mikeys arms.

"Seriously Luke."

"Yup."

I start to laugh. I love these goofballs to death. I turn on the t.v to some news channel which was left on.

"there is this new band that has made news everywhere. The band is called 5 seconds of summer. interesting name. They are going to be touring with well known boy band One Direction. Also they are writing an album they hope will be out in the next year. Do you think they are going to last a long time?

"They are young and handsome so I have to say yes. I think they are going to make it big."

"Now lead singer of this group is Luke Hemmings. He has been caught sneaking around with some girl."

Great already. It's not like we are trying to hide it. We aren't sneaking. A picture of him and him come up, and a snort leaves my mouth.

"Is this the British model, Lea Toranto, or a look alike? Is Luke Hemmings, lead singer of 5sos, dating the beautiful lady. Or are they "just friends"? Tune in tonight at seven to find out." I chuckle and turn the channel to sponge bob, its the show where squidward moves to a new community. Do I really look like that model? I mean I know I'm not that ugly, but seriously? I could never pass for a model, any ways I like my brownies. I get up and walk to my closet and turn on the light, looking at myself in the full length mirror. I drop my sweats, observing my legs closely, I poke my leg and watched it jiggle, a frown growing on my face. Was I really that fat? I lift my tank up and turn, my little tummy popping out, I suck it in and watch my ribs appear. Is it bad that I like seeing that? I drop my shirt and look at my collar bones, they're there but not defined, I run my fingers over them and sigh. Why cant I be skinny? I shake my head of these thoughts and go back to the living room, grabbing my phone. I start to play subway surfers when I get a text from Zoe, huh haven't heard from her in awhile.

"Hey Alex, wanna hang out? I haven't seen you in like for ever ):"

"Yeah sure! And I know, I miss you )':"

Is it bad that I don't? Eh she'll never know. I grab my bag I brought over here and threw on a black dress, with fishnets and pumps, feeling in a dressy mood, quickly straightening my hair, grabbing my clutch before leave.

~~~

We ended up meeting at the coffee shop, getting a salted caramel frap this time.
"Oh em gee have you seen that slut thats been with Luke lately?" I choke a little on my drink when she says that, do people think Im a slut? I decide to play along.

"Oh my god yes!" My voice is leaking fakeness (an- is that even a word?) but she doesn't seem to notice.

"Why would Luke even like her? I mean look at her, she fat, and you don't even need to see her face to know shes ugly as fuck!" Ouch.

"Ugh seriously what the fuck is wrong with her?" I should go into acting cause I'm good at this, A+ for me.

"I don't even know, she must be retarded if she thinks Luke actually likes her."

"Yea." I whisper. You know that moment, when you feel the urge to cry, and your throat locks up. And it feels like there's a belt locked around it, and you cant talk?

"Omg Alex are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry I was thinking of my dad."

"Oh lol. (An-She actually says "el oh el" btw) Well anyways, ugh my dad cut off my credit card, and I'm so pissed." With that I just got up and left. Did she seriously say lol? At my dad dying? Seriously what the fuck. I get back to the apartment and throw my clothes off, throwing his shirt on and went straight to Luke's bed. His blankets engulfing me and muffling my sobs, why are people so judgmental? What did I ever do to them? Why does it matter if I'm dating Luke or not?

A thought pops into my head. I cant do that. He would be so hurt. I would regret it so much. The thought takes over me, I get up searching his drawers for it, when I come across a little box under his pants. I pull it out, staring at it, debating whether I should open it or not. I decide against it and put it back.

"Alex?" Fuck they're home. I quickly close the drawer, and go out to them. I go straight into Luke's arms, just needing him.

"Hey you okay?" He whispers to me, I nod and snuggle into him. He pulls away and grabs my hand, pulling me to his room. He plops down on his bed pulling me with him. He takes his shirt and pants off, leaving him in his boxers, he pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. His chin resting on top of mine,

"I love you so fucking much." My heart breaks thinking about what I wanted to do.

"I love you too."

Au- hey guys its gingy 👍👍 yea well sorry we havent updated in so long 😭 but yeah weve been v busy and i have the flu 😒😒 but ily guys (the first part was lex i think) but i wrote like alot too so yeah idk (follow me- @lukestestcals )