crumble | h.s

part twenty

Harry Styles

After I brought Lydia back inside, she just sat on the couch, not saying anything. I wrapped a blanket around her and she flinched when I touched her. I started a fire in the fireplace and she just sat there, staring into the flame. 

She seemed like she was on shock. 

She didn't try to fight me once she was in the house. She didn't say a word to me either. 

She knew about the gang now. Not everything, but she knew that the boys and I were the ones who shot James that night in the diner. I silently cursed myself over and over for carelessly leaving that damn envelope on the table. The truth was right in front of her and she discovered it. 

When she looked at me with absolute pain and terror in her eyes and then ran out of the house into the pouring rain, it was like a switch was flipped inside me. The aching wound in my shoulder didn't matter...the fact that I was barefoot and shirtless didn't matter. My only purpose in that moment was to get her back.

She wouldn't have made it far anyways, considering all that surrounded this house past the trees was a dead highway. 

I've told her so many times that all I want to do is protect her, that's why she's here. But now, she saw me as this monster who tried to kill her co-worker and is now holding her captive. I knew there was no way that she felt protected anymore. I didn't expect her to. 

But as much as I wanted her to feel safe, I couldn't let her leave. 

The events of the night were burning through my head. This all started when we were in her bedroom, fully trusting one another and me trying to show her how much I cared for her. Now, she was sitting in front of a fire with wet hair, wet clothes, and broken trust. 

I couldn't help that this was my lifestyle. I know I chose this path, but I didn't choose for her to come into my life like this. It just happened so abruptly. 

It was shocking how much this girl affected me. I'm not like this...I don't fall for people. But Lydia made my stomach do flips and my heart burn. I had to deal with this foreign feeling everytime I saw her and it was like there was no getting used to it. 

-

It was now 5:45 in the morning. 

We've been sitting here for almost 2 hours. Lydia had moved so that she was layed on her side, still awake and facing the fire. I gave her a pillow so that her head wasn't against the ground. I was on the couch, leaning against the cushions. 

She had spoken a few words to me during the time we've been sitting here. 

These words being, "You don't need to stay down here, I'm not going to run." followed by me replying with, "I want to make sure you're okay." 

It was true. I wanted to stay near her just incase she didn't have another panic attack or something. 

Also I sort of thought she was going to run again. But she didn't. 

Now she was just watching the embers in the fire. I could only wonder what was going on in her head. Her hair was drying, but it was messy. She was still in her wet clothing and I was in my wet sweatpants. 

She looked so peaceful, but I knew she wasn't really at peace at all. There was so much that I wanted to tell her, but it would change her life forever...and I didn't know if she was ready to hear it. 

Lydia slowly started sitting up, combing her fingers through her hair. 

I coughed and tried to find words to say to her. "You should probably change out of those clothes." I say quietly.