Draco Malfoy Imagines

A Letter: Love, Draco

House: You Choose
Blood Status: You Choose
Warnings: Feels/Mentions of Death/ Suicide.
A/N:
Dear Readers,
This chapter is based off of personal experience. I'm aware this is a very sensitive topic and this chapter might make some people uncomfortable or stir up emotions, but I feel this is a very important topic that should be written about. I will also be publishing an author's note in the next few days explaining some stuff about why I wrote this chapter and why I've been gone so long. Please read both, but if you don't feel comfortable with the content, no pressure. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. Thank you for everything.
——
Dear y/n,

I honestly don't know where to begin so I'm just going to keep writing and try to make sense of all this. Actually, I take that back, y/n. I do know what I want to say. It's really complicated and confusing. This is hard for me to do so I'm just going to start writing what I want to say.

Things are different at Hogwarts now. Everyone keeps going about their business like normal, but it doesn't feel real. It feels wrong to act like everything can or should be normal again. You don't need me telling you that things are different now. I mean, of course things are different after a suicide.

I miss seeing you all the time. And it feels like there's a hole. I know that's a cliché and it sounds woefully stupid, but it's the truth. I'm sure a most of Hogwarts feels the same as I do. I hope you know that I miss you wherever you are now, and I hope that this message is getting to you. I've never thought about if I believe in the afterlife or not until now. I'm still going back and forth about it, but I hope it's real because I want you to hear this.

As I go through my day, it doesn't really feel like you're really gone. It's like you're on vacation or at home. Maybe you transferred. You always wanted to try going to Ilvermorny or one of those other schools. I liked that about you. My brain knows you're gone, though.

It makes me sad to think you were that unhappy. You always put on a different front. While we were together, I admired you for your personality. I knew you had your issues, but I didn't want to pry or make you uncomfortable. After all, our romantic relationship was fairly new and we weren't close enough anyway for you to share your innermost secrets and feelings with me yet.

The truth is, I've liked you since second year. It's probably actually first if I really think about it. I was always secretly admiring you from a distance. I loved your laugh and your sense of humor and how you held yourself. You helped me with homework sometimes and were nice to me even though I was a jackass. You were a genuine person who didn't judge me for my shitty actions.

I got the sense you were a bit lonely and in the middle of everything here, but I didn't think I was that serious. I always thought you had it under control and dealt with yourself. I guess it was more serious than I thought because you're gone now. It just never came up in conversations and how are you supposed to check in with people about that sort of stuff? I didn't want to scare you away because I really liked you a lot.

I want you to know that I'll always remember you. I'll remember our conversations for the rest of my life. You were truly an amazing individual. I can still hear you laughing sometimes and it's a bitter sweet comfort.

I've been thinking of the memories we shared. I don't think I had a bad one. We had meals together, we went to Hogsmeade together and got butterbeers. We walked around and laughed at Crabbe and Goyle when they failed at chugging their drinks and it came out their noses. We studied in the library and made potions together. We sat outside in spring and winter and just talked and talked. It makes me sad to think that we'll never ever do that again. It makes me sad to think I'll never see your face again or watch you laugh. I'll never see you smile again.