Dark Souls

8.numbness

Once Ray's body is in Victor's SUV and he leaves with one of my other guards, I go up to the ensuite bathroom to shower and get ready for tonight. I close the bathroom's door behind me and head straight to the sink, putting my head right under the running faucet. Once the cold water soothes my headache, I straighten up and stare at my own reflection in the cabinet mirror. Jesus Christ. My face had a bruise on its left cheekbone and a small cut across my eyebrow because of Katarina. My knuckles were bruised and swollen, and my eyes were cold and empty. I looked a decade older since I decided to take justice into my own hands too. Multiple times I've been covered in blood, blood that doesn't belong to me, and each time I felt less and less. Only numbness. Dead inside. Exhausted, drained, that's all, no remorse, no sadness or guilt—- but it wasn't always like this though. My first time, I stabbed Daniel Romero.
According to Detective Cruz from the NYPD, he was the one who found Pearl in that dark alley 11 years ago and called his buddies and Gian to have some fun with her. He wasn't sent to prison because there wasn't enough evidence, when in reality the truth was that Gian had paid the police and judge to close the case. Not even Mr.Carter's power and money could do anything about it back then. Gian simply used to reign New York and everyone in it, including ourselves.

After I stabbed Daniel, Victor and Russo threw his body in a hidden lake up in Vermont, I spent all night throwing up and sobbing like a child. I almost turned myself in, but Victor convinced me not to, telling me how the first time was always the hardest. After that, I got drunk for 3 weeks straight to avoid any nightmares and remorse. It actually did get easier each time and a part of me was thrilled about it, that meant I would have no fucking mercy when Gian's time came, because he deserved a slow and painful death more than anyone else. They all did, because Gian's crew was composed of pedophiles and rapists, including Ray, that's why I planned on getting rid of them one by one.

I extend my hands in front of me. They were shaking nonstop and my knuckles reminded me of how I left Ray's face, making my stomach churn. God. I can't believe we finally found Ray after all these months searching for him. He's Gian's cousin, that's why I'm sure that he'll come to Ray's aid once he finds out what happened to him— and he'll find the note. He won't know who sent it because Ray doesn't know any of our names or locations, but maybe he will keep a close eye on Katarina and that's when I'll be using her as bait, patiently waiting.

Ray had been quite useless though. I imagined he wouldn't rat Gian out, but I thought that he would've at least told me something about Pearl.

"Where the fuck are you, Pearl..." I frown, taking my jeans and t-shirt off. I stay only in my Calvin Klein briefs and sit on the edge of the bathtub. I run my fingers across the multiple bullet scars I had on my torso, which I tried to cover with tattoos but it still didn't make much difference. The night Gian and his crew were raping Pearl, I arrived just as they were finishing with her. I started fighting them, Gian pulled out his gun and shot me 5 times, leaving me and Pearl to die. I can still hear her hoarse voice calling my name as we both lied in the cold concrete side by side. Her freckled-face covered in bruises and her red hair full of dirt and snow...

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts.

"What?" I snap, harshly.

Russo opens the door, leaning down a few inches to get through the doorway since he's 6'7. He's carrying a black, trash bag, his face expressionless as he lets out a heavy sigh.

I roll my eyes, "Really? We're about to have a peptalk in the bathroom while I'm almost naked?" I ask him impatiently, glaring up at him.

"You can't keep doing this, Wolf. Victor and I might be unfazed by it because we're used to it, but not you. You're going to lose yourself completely if you keep killing these men yourself."