My Sweet Devil - JENLISA

Chapter 55 : Once

RUBY JANE'S POV

This morning when I woke up, I was dragging my feet to reach the cupboard from above in the kitchen. I tiptoed and held out my arm to grab the glass jar that contained my pecan muesli that I had bought at a local organic store in the area. But instead of taking a chair and getting on it, I had of course chosen to play the smart one. At the end, I dropped it and all the cereal spilled on the ground. I don't know if it hurt more for the cut I made on my foot because of the glass shards of the jar or the fact that I had just lost an organic muesli that I had paid quite a high price for. 

In fact, I've been doing this kind of stupid accident for a few days or since Lisa and I had an argument. I was either distracted or clumsy and many times, these accidents could have cost my life. Not wanting to keep going the rest of the week in this state, I contacted my parents the next day. My father had gone on safari with his best friends, whom they had kept in touch with since the high school meeting. In any case, it didn't change my plans because this time I needed my mother to help me. You should see her face when I asked her to guide me for a yoga session. I have never needed it, I have never faced problems to the point of turning my daily life upside down. You should know that once I thought I had Urbach-Wiethe disease. It' s the fact that you never feel fear. And to explain my case, I've never been afraid or stressed about anything. I am a very confident woman that it was getting strange and even scary. 

I'd be mean to say I wasn't thinking about Lisa. She haunted me day and night while a few days before she showed up, I was leading a decent life. Yet I felt bad this time. I may have given myself the arguments, but I always ended up blaming myself. I hadn't heard from her since and I had no right to be upset with her because I was the person who told her to leave. Maybe it was better if things ended badly between us. She won't want to see me again or even not want to breathe the same air as me. But I also wanted to be in her strong arms and whisper in her ear to tell her that I was scared, scared about me, scared about us. 

For the first time in my life, I didn't know if I had made the right choices. You know, sometimes you wonder how your life would have turned out if you had chosen the other option. This time, I wasn't even sure one was better than the other and honestly, I was exhausted. I had never imagined spending my time asking these questions said for the weaker people as I used to say.

I know I'm really a bitch. 

I surpassed myself so much that everything was simple and possible except that the gods and heavens decided to make my life a little more complicated. I picture them sipping a cup of tea and looking down at me and sneering.

Well, expect me to come up there and kick your ass... but with all the bad things I've done, my only destination is probably hell. Great.

Today, Lisa was returning to Seoul. I guess she was just looking forward to getting out of here after I acted like a brat with her. But it was the only way, it was the right thing for both of us. She had her job as a photographer in Seoul and I was preparing to be a successful writer in New York. Our relationship was going to be an barrier to our work and we both put a lot of effort into it before we got there. 

I suddenly remembered that I was in my pretty minimalist office - it must be said that Lisa was a great inspiration to me in the choice of decoration. I had been staring at my screen for a few minutes, where the unofficial cover of my book was being displayed. Betty, the artistic director, had sent me an example of it. I had shared my ideas with her, how I wanted it to look. I was quite satisfied, all the details were present. A young and attractive woman's shadow with a devilish appearance. The book would be red like blood and like the flames of hell. My story was about a young girl's life that had the darkest secrets, but did it make her a bad person? I was hoping to get different reactions from my readers and hoped to get a good feedback.