Radmins Love-teams

PhilAnne (Letter)

The counsellors told me that this was the best way to let out my feelings so I’m going to write a letter to you, Anne.

Dear Anne,

I remember the first crush I ever had…you were an eighteen year old girl at my college and we had one thing in common: the love for books.

We would talk about books all day long and criticise them at the same time.

“Divergent?”

 “Yeah I loved that one”

“Oh I hated the Mortal Instruments!”

 “What! I loved it”

This was basically our conversation every day until…you got sick.

It was the year after we got together. You told me you felt sick and were having a headache. I brushed it off; I told you it was probably seasonal flu. Boy was I wrong.

It turned out to be Cancer. You got Cancer in your brain and then your lungs. Our last few days together were excruciatingly painful.

I still remember the day I had my last conversation with you…

“I’m like Augustus from the Fault In Our Stars,” you smiled weakly at me, your pale skin, lifeless, your eyes unhappy and watching you breathe, then cough, was agonizing.

“Augustus survived, didn’t he?” I asked, hoping that I was right.

“Phillip…he died,” you said gently. I refused to accept it.

“You’ll be fine, okay?” I said to you. “You need to let go; I’m going to die,” you told me.

“And you’re okay with this? Anne, I love you! I can’t let you die; you haven’t lived a full, happy life!”

She closed her eyes; Anne you were so weak that you couldn’t even open them. “I’m going to die but it’s okay. You’re going to move on,” you were making it seem so easy that I wanted to scream at you.

“You’re going to be fine; these doctors are wrong,” I kissed your forehead and smiled.

“Phillip…I just want you to know…I love you so much and you need to move on from me okay? Like Tobias from Divergent, he moved on after Tris’s death.”

“Stop acting like this is goodbye, because it’s not,” I said, trying to convince myself more than you.

“Just…remember that…I…love…you,” You were breathing heavily now…in and out, in and out.

The monitor was showing your heart beat. It went up and down.

Up and down, In and Out.

Up and down, In and Out.

Up and down…in and out…

Then it stopped. It stopped beeping…I looked at your calm, beautiful face and tears came to my eyes.

“Anne…?”

No answer.

“Anne!” I yelled and the doctors came in.

The next few minutes were the hardest of my life….

“Time of Death, 12:00 am” the doctors said to each other.

“No! No she’s alive! Check her again, she’s alive!” I yelled at them.

They just sighed and bowed their heads.

“N-no…she can’t be…”

~

After your funeral, I never thought I’d be happy again. In a way, it was right. I was never truly happy but at least I moved on. You would have wanted me to be happy. And now I have a beautiful wife, Kimberlie. Though I don’t love anyone the way I loved you, it’s nice to know that I can share my pain with someone.

Anne, I will never ever forget you

xox

Phillip