Red Hot ~Nikki Sixx

Part 37: Two Words

A/N: Update time. So, I did part a little differently and most of it consists of Nikki's diary entries over the course of a few days. Enjoy !

Nikki's Diary

Miami

Thanksgiving Night

What a fucked up night.  And this is coming from a guy who used to do speedballs and chase around invisible intruders with a gun.

Ashten's asleep and I'm so glad for that.  She needs it and even though she would never admit it, she is mentally and physically exhausted.  Whatever Alex gave her seemed to work because she was out when I got back and woke up just long enough for me to slide in next to her for a little while.  I held on to her a little tighter than usual until she dozed off again.  Every now and then, she'll toss and turn a bit. Between the muscle relaxer and the events of the evening, I imagine she's having some fucked up dreams.  If she is really sleeping at all.  I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't.

I gave up trying to sleep and just got out of bed altogether.  I could blame it on the searing pain shooting through my right hand but I know that's not what's keeping me up.

I've been sitting here watching her and I started thinking about some of the things I've seen and done.  Some seriously fucked up things that should have, and did, scare the shit out of me.

Like when I wrapped my Porsche around a tree and could have been killed.  That was intense.

Or when I actually DID die.  Twice. That was frightening to say the least.  Enough to get me clean, anyway.

If I'm honest, I don't think the fear I felt after those particular events even compare to tonight.  Technically, last night, I guess since it is after midnight.

Everything just seemed to happen in slow motion.  Like in Carrie, right before they dumped that bucket of pig's blood all over her and the whole place went silent in anticipation of the impending doom. 

Me, Alex, and DJ had just come from outside and were getting drinks when Tommy stalked his way over to us.  I hadn't seen him that pissed off in a long time.  He pulled Alex a few feet away from us and I couldn't hear what he said because of the music.  But I could read his lips and as soon as I saw the words "Ashten" and "Derek" form on his mouth I knew something was seriously wrong.

Something happened to me at that moment.  I don't know if I'll ever really be able to completely describe it but I was almost as if I had tunnel vision and blacked out.  But, at the same time, I was completely aware of everything around me and could comprehend what everyone said.  I think my soul may have actually left my body for a few minutes.

Tommy filled us in on everything and he had to meet up with security to deal with the now former Mötley employee.

Thank God (our whoever) for Tommy. Those are words I never once thought I'd say. In the past few hours, I have thought nonstop about what would have happened if he hadn't heard her screaming.  Or, if he hadn't gotten to her in time.  I'm glad we didn't have to find out.  I'm not so sure I'd be able to live with it.

When Tommy left to deal with his former tech, there was no discussion about what needed to happen next.  It was just an unspoken understanding between a brother and a boyfriend.

That motherfucker needed to die.  Or, at the very least be brutally maimed

First, I desperately needed to see her.  I needed to be sure she was ok because there was part of me that would not be convinced until I saw her for myself.  Until she was actually with me it wasn't real and she wasn't ok.  At least that's how it felt in my soul.  I think I needed her more than she needed me at that moment.