FINE LINE | HARRY STYLES

TWENTY.

JANUARY, 2019.

I just want this day to be over.

New Year's Eve is probably the most boring event in the history of events. It's just an excuse to get plastered and make out with the nearest person that's willing.

I used to love New Years. I loved dressing up and going out and getting wasted until I couldn't speak. I loved the feeling of adrenaline running through my body as I screamed in the New Year. I loved the feeling of being so alive.

When I met him, that all went away. I would have much rather stay in and sit there with him, softly counting down to midnight. To kiss him and fall asleep on his lap. Because he was the only thing that made me feel alive. I didn't need a drink or a nightclub scene.

I only needed him.

But then it all crashed and burned and I shunned out any holiday that involved romance.

I promise I'm happy. I've got a good life going for me. I spent the majority of 2018 just completely hidden. I never showed my face and when I did, paparazzi sent it to TMZ who labeled me as "broken" and "distraught" over the loss of fucking Harry Styles.

I didn't fucking lose him.

He lost me.

I learned that throughout my time in solitary. As I picked myself back up, I began to realize that he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.

My life started going uphill when I realized this. I met someone new, I started filming for Euphoria, and I felt happier and lighter.

When I say someone new, I mean River Woods. A French actor and what some may call a model. I met him in early June and things picked up immediately. We made it official in August, and it's been going well since.

He's very laid back. Not the most spontaneous person, but I kind of like it. I don't need constant surprises to be satisfied. We don't have as much sex as I used to, but like I said, I'm happy.

Content.

"We should get going soon." River says to me as he hovers over me to my side.

I lie in bed, exhausted. I had been working all morning since last night and I just wanted to sleep.

"Can't we just skip it?" I groan, shoving my face into a pillow.

"No way! Come on, sweet. It'll be fun." He huffs, climbing onto the bed and tugging at my arm.

"Fine." I sigh, rolling over to look up at him.

River grins, kissing me quickly before standing up to let me get ready.

I go for a simple little black dress look with wavy hair and a glob of lip gloss on my lips.

I'm really not feeling it.

"Why don't you wear lipstick?"

I glance at River from where I stand and shrug, brushing my fingers through my hair.

"I just don't feel like it."

"I don't think I've ever seen you wear lipstick. At least since we've started dating." He pouts.

"It takes away from my eyeliner."

"Girls and their makeup." He jokes as he enters the room, pulling me into his chest.

I wrap my arms around him, inhaling his cologne.

"What do you think the year has in store for us?" I quietly ask.

River pulls away from our hug to cup my face. He looks down at me with a wide smile.

"Everything, my love."

-

Never have I felt more claustrophobic. I thought there was going to be less people here tonight, but I guess I thought wrong. Very foolish of me.

I'm not surprised, though. Blair has met a lot of people since filming started.

River takes my hand and leads me through the crowd of sweaty, drunk people. He takes me to the back of the club where we're greeted by Blair.

"Babe! You came!" She squeals, jumping up in my arms.

I laugh, "Yup, this one dragged me here."

"Well good on you." Blair turns to River, hugging him as well.

"She'd never go anywhere if I wasn't around." River chuckles, grabbing a shot glass.

My phone buzzes and I reach into my clutch to read the text on my screen.

Claudia: Mom and dad said you weren't coming tonight? Why not? We were gonna play games and stuff :(

I frown to myself as I type out my own message.

Sorry, C. River wanted to go out and do grown up stuff :/

I shut my phone off and shove it back into my purse. River has two shot glasses in his hands, shoving one my way.

"To the New Year!" He shouts, earning a cheer from everyone around us.

I lift the glass up before downing the shot.

It burns my throat like no other. But I know it's not my last.

About two drinks later, I'm a bit more awake. I'm not fully drunk or even relatively tipsy yet, but I'm a lot more fun to be around.

River got dragged away by some actor friends he ran into, leaving me with Blair and her friends. I didn't really know much of them, so I sort of kept to myself.

It started to get closer to midnight and River's nowhere to be found. Which is starting to piss me off considering he wanted me here so bad.

I don't blame him, though. He's constantly working and never goes out. He deserves a break.

When the countdown starts, he returns to give me a sloppy New Years kiss before running back off for more drinks. At this point, I know I'm going to have to stay sober to get him into the Uber.

As everyone dances and cheers over the New Year, I stumble out of the club, wiping the tears from my eyes. I lean against the wall and let it all out.

I look so stupid.

I should be celebrating.

I made it.

I'm making it.

So why the fuck do I feel so empty inside?

After a good moment, I calm down. I wipe my eyes, knowing damn well I smeared all my eyeliner seeing as there's black all over my fingers.

I should have invested in waterproof.

I sniffle, pulling my phone out to find an Uber. I'm sure River would be ready to go home by the time it gets here.

I stop, my heart freezing as there's a text on my screen. I click on the notification and read it nervously.

Unknown: Happy New Year, Soleil. Hope you have a wonderful 2019. I really miss you. All the love H.

I swallow hard and shakily bring my hand to the small diamond cherry resting on my chest. More tears well up in my eyes.

Fuck.

***

First chapter and they're already back on their bullshit. Also currently writing a new book and like...idk if anyone is ready but like...coming soon