FINE LINE | HARRY STYLES

#16: bittersweet.

-in which it's the night before harry leaves for tour and soleil is a bit more emotional than she thought she'd be.

MAY, 2024.

I had been dreading this day.

The night before Harry leaves for tour is always the most heartbreaking. Even more heartbreaking than when he actually leaves. Mainly because everything we've done today and will do tonight will be the last for a while.

I won't get to wake up to the sound of his music playing as he hums along while cleaning up the house with Luna and MJ running after him. I won't feel his warm body drop on top of mine when he finally gets bored and wants me to wake up and shower with him. I won't get to lather the soap up in his hair and when it gets in his eyes, I won't be there to help him get it out.

Who's going to help him now? No one. He's going to have soap eyes and there's nothing I can do about it.

It's safe to say I've been emotional. Probably because it's been so long since Harry's toured and I actually have to get used to the fact that he won't be here for practically a year. He'll just be consistently out of the house and won't finally be back for good until next February.

His last show is here in London on Valentine's day. He told me it was his gift to me, him being home for good. But then it'll be another few more years of him working on the next, then leaving me again.

I think I've cried a lot today. Every time we do something together, I just start crying. Like this morning, I was watching him eat some grapes and I just burst into tears.

I won't be able to see him eat grapes for so long.

Of course I'm going to visit and tag along for a few dates with the girls, but that won't be for a while. So now I have to accept the fact that he's leaving me.

He's giving MJ a bath right now. Luna's freshly bathed, currently playing with Kiwi in her room. So I sit in the bedroom, listening to Harry have his nightly chat with MJ.

"No babe, that's not for eating." Harry quietly scolds. "Soap is for skin. See?"

A satisfied squeal erupts from MJ followed by her tiny hands clapping.

"Daddy, I love you." She giggles, water splashing as she does so.

Harry pauses for a moment, shocked she actually uttered these words to him before letting out a very breathless, "I love you too."

There's another silence that follows, nothing but the sound of water sloshing and MJ's ducky squeaking.

"You know I'm gonna miss you guys." Harry finally says, his voice quiet.

I pry my eyes away from my phone screen, slowly sitting up. He obviously lowered his voice so I couldn't hear but I can't help it and I make my way to the door, pressing my back against the wall to listen in.

"Miss you." MJ absentmindedly replies.

"Yes, lots. Daddy has no idea what he's going to do without his girls."

"Mumma?" She squeaks earning a small laugh from Harry.

"Especially Mumma." I can hear the frown in his voice and my heart sinks.

"Mumma..." MJ hums with glee.

"You know, Mumma has helped me so much. I don't think I could be the person I am today without her. She's given me more than I could ever imagine and I couldn't ever thank her enough."

"Kissy!" MJ exclaims.

"Oh? You want a kiss?"

"No, Mumma. Mumma kissy."