FINE LINE | HARRY STYLES

FIFTY-FOUR.

DECEMBER, 2019. CONT.

I think I've scarred my parents for life.

When I showed up at their house around 4am, knocking on the door a complete wreck, they looked petrified. Especially when I collapsed onto their front step in a fit of lung crushing sobs.

Mom didn't hesitate to grab me and hold me close to her, rocking us back and forth in the cold December night on that front step. Dad ran back inside to get the guest room ready. I'm pretty sure I woke Claudia and Francis because I saw them for a brief second before Dad shooed them back to bed.

By the time I could finally walk without my legs giving out, Mom and Dad helped me inside, luggage and everything. They took me into the guest room without a single question. I'm pretty sure they could tell what was going on.

Mom stayed with me for the rest of the night, holding me to fill the hole that was left in my heart. But I knew it then, and I know it now.

This heart only wants one touch, and I might have just fucked it all up.

I know I shouldn't have made him leave. I overreacted and I hate that. But at the same time, it hurts to think he didn't see our future in the way I did. Which confuses me, he always said he wanted to get married and have children with me.

So what changed?

I woke up to an empty bed.

That changed.

From just outside my door, I hear Blair and Mom
speaking lowly. I'm not surprised Blair showed up after last night. The second she hears anything is wrong, she comes running.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve her.

The door opens and I close my eyes to pretend I'm sleeping again. I already know she's going to give me the whole "I told you so" thing and I'm not ready for it. Because she might be right this time around.

"I know you're awake dumbass." Blair snorts, shutting the door behind her as she enters.

Rolling my eyes, I sit up against the headboard and watch as she climbs onto the bed beside me. She's holding a box of something familiar and I take it, a ghost of a smile on my lips.

"Flown in?" I hopefully ask her.

"Of course." She laughs and I rip the ribbon off, digging into the colorful delicacies. "So what's going on, babe?"

I frown to myself as I pick up a macron and take a bite. Blair places a hand on my knee and squeezes, silently telling me to take my time.

"He returned the ring." I softly say, eyes focused on my lap to keep from crying.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know! He wouldn't tell me! And I fucked up and told him to leave. The worst part is, he did. I let my mind get in the way of my heart and I lost him again." I sigh.

"You could never lose him, Monie. You know that."

"But I can't have him. Not if he doesn't want things to end up the way I do."

Blair scrunches her brows up, shaking her head.

"I don't get it. He was so set on it. I understand why he backed out in Paris, but this time I just don't get it. "

"Neither do I. I just wish he had talked to me. It just felt like he secretly gave up. And I know I told him to leave, but if he really wanted to stay, he could have told me why. Why wouldn't he just tell me?" I huff.