Becca was new to LA. She was running from her past, well an ex-boyfriend to be precise, and she was hoping it would never catch up to her. Her Uncle Pete gave her a job at his cafe and she jumped at the chance. It's not where she expected to be at 2...
I was finding life not going to work a little easier since that day with Shayne, it's only been a week since. I have managed to remaster the art of cover-up make-up and I couldn't be happier as I actually looked like a normal person. It took a bit of time and practice but I got there in the end. I'm still not as good as I used to be but I'm actually happy about that in a way as it's proof that the brain forgets things it feels it won't have to use again. So subconsciously I really did think he would never be able to find me and that I would be safe here. Even though that may not have been the case it's comforting and makes me feel a little better about myself. It also shows how fucking insane Jake is.
Right now I'm stood in my living room looking for the dog's leashes while making sure I had everything I needed. I wasn't wearing anything fancy, just casual clothes I threw on that I was OK with the outside world seeing.
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It's the first time I've even thought about going out with just the dogs, but it needs to be done at some point and I guess today is the day, apparently. I don't know why I want to do it all of a sudden but I'm not going to miss out on the only chance I may have to do this in what could be weeks as I have no idea when I'll feel like this again. Raven is heading back home in a couple of days as she couldn't get any more time off work so I really needed to do this. I was scared about that but there's nothing I can do about it. She wants to stay longer but she could lose her job and she loves it and I can't ask her to risk that for me. Plus it means I won't have a choice about going out with the dogs as those boys need their exercise or they go a little bonkers, to say the least.
As I stood at the front door holding the dogs leads I found down the side of the couch for some reason, I'm going to have to ask Raven about that. I lost all the confidence I had to go out, it was like I could just feel it wash out of me and onto the floor beneath my feet. Like I was going to have a panic attack right there just at the idea of leaving my small, lovely and comforting safe space. This isn't a good sign at all. It was almost as if Otto could sense my panic and jumped up putting his front paws on my chest resting his head in between them looking up at me trying to calm me down. It gladly worked and once he was back on all fours I took one last deep breath and opened the door and stepped out into the hall closing it behind us. As I locked the door I looked down at the dogs.
"Right boys, this may be a short walk but I think you understand why that is. Plus Raven is suffering yet another bout of insomnia and I think I heard you three come back from a walk about 4 this morning." I laughed a little but it was obvious to everyone and their mother that I was very uneasy and trying to make light of the situation. To everyone else it was a normal everyday thing for a dog owner but when something like what happened to me happens, your whole world turns upside down and back to front. I just wanted to be able to go around the block so the dogs can do there thing and not have any accidents in the apartment as I really didn't want to clean that up. Plus they need to get out with me more as it will help them feel better as they have been uneasy about how little I was doing and were picking up on how I was feeling. I just don't want them feeling that all the time when Raven goes home.
"So around the block sound good to you two?" I asked them with a genuine smile. I looked down at them they backed and wagged their tails making me smile and thank god Raven couldn't sleep at night as mean as it may sound, as well as thankful to have such amazing dogs.
I set off with a slight and small smile on my face taking deep breaths as I got closer to the front door of the apartment building. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster the closer I got to the door. I just tried to breath deeper and deeper to calm it down. All the while reminding myself that this was the furthest I have gone outside the house since the incident and that I should be proud of that. A small victory is still a victory. I could hear Raven's voice in my head saying that "I'm doing great and I should be proud." over and over which made me smile a little more. The dogs were also wagging their tails and looking up and me every now and then which made me feel that they were proud of me too.
We were stood at the front door for a minute or so just looking out at the world that was still moving along like normal. It made me realise that Jake had yet again put my life on hold. The world doesn't stop when yours comes crashing down, it keeps going and you just have to hope that you piece yours back together fast enough to catch up. It made me angry that he had done this to me again, that I had let him put my life on hold yet again for so long. That he had made me so scared and fragile that I didn't want to do one of my favourite things, walk my dogs around in a city that is always sunny. I was finally angry at him for everything he had ever done to me, not just what he did here but back home too.
I had to move away from all my friends and family because of him. Leave all my plans behind and start a new life with nothing but what I could fit in a couple of suitcases and carry on bag. I had to put my dogs through a flight in the hold of a plane and then quarantine because of him. I gave up so much just because he was an ass and thought it was okay to beat his girlfriend/ex-girlfriend to a pulp whenever he wanted or felt like it.
Taking another deep breath I put my hand on the door and after a couple more deep breaths I pushed it open and walked out into the warm sunny air. It made me smile and pause for a second, not with fear this time, it was all to just take in the world and the feel of the sun directly on my skin. There was nothing quite like the feeling, to be honest.
I looked down at Pongo and Otto and smiled at them "Right boys time for a walk, which way do you wanna go?" It was if a switch flicked in their brains as right away they started walking left, along our normal route, something I know Raven had completely ignored as she wanted to see more of LA while she was here and they were the best way to do that as they could walk for hours without getting tired or bored. There was something amazing about the weather here that made you forget about how tired you may be until you get home.
A/N sorry if there are any mistakes I'm editing/writing this as I look after a sick child and so I'm doing it on my phone. I hope you like it anyway and hopefully I'll get another chapter up today as I have something written that just needs to be edited. Bug hugs B xx
