COUNTRYHUMANS ONESHOTS (COMPLETED)

she's either a really pretty mom or a very old woman in my mind

1014 words

Ey that's pretty good

Canada couldn't help but smile like an idiot as he looked at Ukraine's front door. He had no idea how he had managed to get the most perfect girl on earth to go on a date with him, but goddamn was he proud of himself. He quickly looked himself up and down, making sure he didn't wear the flannel with a mustard stain on it, before knocking on the door. He heard shuffling from inside, then the clicking of locks opening.

Canada put on his brightest smile as the door opened. "Hey, Ukr-"

"Ohoho! Good evening Canada," a heavily Russian sounding voice said. Canada stared at the Soviet Union, Ukraine's mom. She was pretty for her age, wearing a white, high neckline shirt accented with lace and a simple black pencil skirt combined with dark combat boots and woolen socks. Her brown hair was tucked into an ushanka with the soviet seal. "Ukraine is still getting ready. But come in!"

Canada hesitated before stepping into the house. Canada barely had time to look at the entryway before being whisked into a cozy looking sitting room. The Soviet Union quickly lead him across a bearskin rug and sat him down on a battered damask couch. She then lit the fireplace in front of the rug, grabbed a thick book, and sat down very close to Canada.

"Ukraine has told me so much about you! I am very excited to meet you," the Soviet Union said, smiling at Canada. Something about the smile was unnerving, but Canada couldn't quite put his finger on what. "Since you and Ukraine are dating, do you want to see pictures of our family?" Before Canada could answer, she opened the book.

"Is that Raine?" Canada pointed at the first picture. He was mainly focused on a glaring girl wearing a black dress with a white shirt underneath it. She was wearing black pointed shoes with socks coming up to her calves. She was with a group of seven girls, Canada assumed her siblings by the flags, on the left side of the Soviet Union in her military uniform. On the right of her was a group of eight boys. Three of the girls and boys wore a military uniform, the rest wore essentially what Ukraine wore with shorts for the boys. All shared an unhappy expression, except two. A boy smiled up at the Union, while a girl clung to her leg.

"Yes. A shame I had to kick her out of school. Russia and Belarus were the only good ones, really," the Soviet Union let out a laugh, and Canada tried to laugh naturally but failed. The Soviet Union flipped through photos as if trying to find a certain page. She made a little click with her tongue as she found the right picture. "This was the Winter War. Still went to shit, but this was fun."

It showed the union pressing a high-heeled foot into a man's face. He had a look of pure rage, but for some reason, he was slumped over on the ground. When Canada saw all the blood he began to realize why. The union's green uniform was replaced by a slate blue one, and she had on the same ushanka back then as she did now. She had a sadistic smile on her face, her eyes angled down at the man as if he knew what was going to happen after this photo.

"Oh, it is on the next page. You know Germany, right? This is her sister." It was of a girl that had Germany's flag in a rainjacket. She was standing in front of a building, looking rather nervous. "A shame. Germany used to be a pretty girl like her, but then that damn westerner- oh, my apologies. I forgot he was your brother," the Soviet Union laughed again, a bit more high-pitched and strained. Canada fought the burning urge to correct the Soviet Union on Germany's proper pronouns.

She began flipping through again. The photos she skipped were just more military stuff, some of her kids, one of Russia smiling cheerfully. "Here is China!" she pointed at a picture of her next to China and what looked like Taiwan. They both wore a white collared shirt with a red bandana tied around the neck and blue shorts. Unlike China's smile now, he looked genuinely happy then. Taiwan looked even more nervous than East Germany had. The Soviet Union stood on their left to her full height with her arms behind her back. China copied her position and looked up at her. Taiwan was rubbing his arm, which looked like it had a bruise on it.

"He was an idiot back then," the Union muttered under her breath. "Anyways, how do you feel about homosexuals?"

Canada would have spit out his drink if he was drinking anything. He thought he needed water, his throat felt so dry. "I'm okay with them."

"Just ok? Because I don't want my daughter to be associated with a homosexual in any way," the Soviet Union glared at him harshly. "What is Mexico to you?"

Canada tensed at the mention of his ex. Ugh. "It's... complicated."

"How so?" Canada hadn't even realized that the Soviet Union had gotten even closer to him. "Because if you so much as mention a relationship with another man I swear your spine will be-"

"Mom! Is Canada here?" Ukraine yelled from somewhere in the house. Canda was instantly flooded with relief.

"I'll meet you at the door!" He yelled, quickly getting up and briskly walking to the front door. Ukraine came down, her blonde hair curled with a bright yellow dress that complimented her body in every way. Canada blushed, nearly forgetting whatever the hell happened with the Soviet Union. "What did she do?" Ukraine whispered, opening the door and leading Canada out.

"Nothing too bad," Canada said, still taken aback by Ukraine existing. How did he have such a good girlfriend?

Ukraine gave him a smile, which broke every last uncertain feeling in his body. "That's good. I don't want her to scare you."

"I don't care about her, it's you who I care about."