𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏- 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐅𝐅 √

Part 19 : Do I Really Think About Myself?

"Is he hurting you again? If he is, then you know what I can do to him." Hoseok is a person will talk freely without thinking twice and sometimes the words he spilled will be half true and half false.

You tilt your head slightly, amused with his confidence. "Are you sure you can do anything at him?" You challenged him with his own words. Both of you know that he doesn't have the strength to even lay a finger on jungkook.

"Are you sure you can hurt your own friend? Are you sure you want to pick a girl over your whole life friend?" It's hoseok's turn to be speechless. His heart froze with anxiety because your two questions means a lot in his decision.

"Are you sure you want to be that low?" You ask him again. With all the years you've spent with the bangtan, the most important rule in their close friendship is to never turn their back with each other. If there's any problem between two sides, all of them will sit together and try to solve their problems maturely.

You lean back to your chair, finally giving him a small smile before drinking your ice coffee. "If you want them to hate you for me, then it's your problem not mine. I have no plan on turning my back with them and I know you won't too." Hoseok's eyes pierce angrily at your selfish words.

"You really have no feelings for me anymore?" Your eyes never once show him mercy or warm ones. You lean your head closer with hoseok, even with a heavy heart you smiled at him. "Yes, I don't." With those three words, both of you stare into each other's eyes with intensity. No more good hobie, no more jokes or cute laughs been heard from hoseok anymore.

The only emotion you see in his eyes is defeat. Stroking his hair back, hoseok tries to hide his need to cry. The pain in his heart is almost unbearable, even when he knew your heart will never be in his hand again but he wishes there's a small possibility you would be his once more.

"You're sure you want to be with jungkook?" You nod your head, "Of course." You answered boldly and when you see him stare at you with mischievous eyes. You wonder what kind of words he will say to you this time. "Even after he left you that night?"

Your hand clench angrily, "Why do you need to bring up that night?" Your eyes sting with anger. You remember he had promise you, he will never say anything about that day ever again. You guess, maybe its because of this rejection that made him more aggressive.

Mouth slightly quiver, tyring your best not to yell at him. He knows that night is a very sensitive memory for you, yet he still uses it against you? "You need to know jungkook's love for you is not that big." Hoseok fixes his shirt, he never touch his drink and it's ice is already melted in the black coffee.

"You know it but you still try to convice yourself that's not true." Hosoek's eyes chamges from being competitive to a warmer ones. The one that coulud makeyour own heart changes its way again. "I care for you, y/n."

"If you care for me, you won't remind me of that night." You said between your gritted teeth. You cant even look at him anymore, you're afraid you will fall down with tears and shows him the weak part of you again.

You don't want to be hugged by him like he did that night. The night where all of this new feelings bloom, the new years night when you see jungkook walking away from you without looking back. The night when hoseok is chosen to be your black night after your prince walks in the dark.

Hoseok use his bravery to hold your hand. When you try to snatch it back, hoseok grips then tighter. Forcing your eyes to glare into his sadden eyes, "I do care for you. That's why I'm asking you to put yourself first before you hurt your own heart."

"You should care about your own heart." Hoseok feels you're trying to run away from him and for now, he will let you go but only for this day. After this, he will continue being your black night in your shadows.

Hoseok sadly watches you walk out the café with eyes redden and cheeks slowly filled with tears rushing down them. You have never had any fights with hoseok and today is your first time being so rude with him.

You regret hurting him but it's for the best, 'You can't love me. Please stop loving me.' You could taste your salty tears rolling down your cheeks before rolling down on your lips too.

Hoseok last words sticks in your head harder than you wish it would, "That's why I'm asking you to put yourself first before you hurt your own heart." You slowly stop walking in the busy sidewalk, people pushing your shoulders angrily cause your blocking their way.

You feel so weak, hoseok words keeps on echoing without stop. Your world spins around you, making your head ache with pain. Your heart speeds its beat until your chest feels suffocated with the lack of air in your lungs.

"I do think about myself." You whisper, trying to feel better about yourself but hoseok words are still echoing. It makes you think more and more about your past, how badly you're treating yourself.

"Do I really think about myself?"

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-To Be Continue-

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*I dont even know what am I writing but what I do know is I am really anticipating gfriend's comeback!! *