The Succubus

40-Baby Steps

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Previously on The Succubus

"I know you're exhausted baby. Get some rest and I promise I'll make sure nothing happens to you. You've gotta trust me babe" I whispered and Nicki gave another hesitant nod before I saw her close her eyes and let me lull her sleep. I kept my hand on her wrist and just as promised, I never took my hand off and I made sure to stay half asleep to make sure that I was still semi alert to be able to notice if something were to happen to Nicki. Every now and again I would wake up and check on her and I completely forgot that I had to use the bathroom because I was too focused on Nicki. It hurt to see her break down, but now that I know what's wrong, I was determined to make her feel better no matter what...

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★Bey POV★

     Today is Nicki's last day in the hospital and overall she's not been doing the best mentally. After her break down three nights ago, she  hasn't been herself and when in front of others she tries to act normal and okay, but when it's just her and I, she reverts back into the shy, scared, quiet woman I first met her as. Ever since her meltdown, she's been needing to be coaxed into sleeping because her trauma's caught up with her and now she's incredibly terrified to go to sleep. She won't take naps unless I've soothed her into one with a lot of coaxing and it makes me sad because I know she's so tired, but she's so afraid to sleep that she'd rather be a zombie than to rest.

That's not the only thing that's been adding onto her rough mental state. We were told yesterday that the triplets would not be able to come home with us right now due to them not being strong enough at this stage. Michelle said that due to them being preemies and with their birth complications, it was best if they stayed for at least three more weeks to make sure that they'd be strong enough to survive on their own. To hear that was pretty tough, but Nicki took it the hardest. She expressed to me that she feels like this was all her fault and that she's the reason why the babies are struggling right now. She's blaming herself for everything and I've been continuously trying to get those thoughts out of her head, but it's been a big challenge...

The only time she seems genuinely happy is when she's in the NICU with the babies. By seeing them grow everyday, I think it helps Nicki cope a little bit. Since we're still unable to hold the babies, Nicki and I have been hand hugging them frequently as interaction and I've noticed that when she holds her hand on their stomachs, she always lets out a relieved, deep breath from actually feeling their chests rising and falling. I honestly think that physical reassurance is what's been helping her get through these rough days and I think that the only way she'll get better is by seeing, hearing and feeling the progress of the babies because it's reassuring her that they're okay and that they're getting healthier. Nicki naturally uses touch, sight and hearing as her main senses in situations. Hence why she listens to my heartbeat at night to calm her nerves and why she's so touchy and why she likes to see things in depth before she fully believes it. Without physical reassurance of things, she can't function properly and I didn't know how detrimental it was to her well being until now...

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It was currently ten o'clock in the morning and Nicki was supposed to be discharged later in the day. As she's been every morning these past couple of days, she's been extremely closed off and quiet. She'll say a few words here and there, but that's pretty much it and I wish I could just take all of the pain, trauma and negative thoughts away. There's always a point in the day or multiple points in the day where she'll just walk over to me and I've grown to know that she just wants to be held at that time. Sometimes she just needs to cry on my shoulder or sometimes she just wants that same physical reassurance that helps her. It didn't matter what she needed at the time though because I knew that I'd be there for her no matter what.