The Succubus

53-Broken

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Y'all I teared up multiple times while writing this chapter...

Previously on The Succubus

"GET FUCKING OFF OF ME. I NEED TO BE BACK THERE. SHE CAN'T FUCKING DIE ON ME, LET ME SEE HER!" I raged as I caused a complete scene in this damn waiting room, to which I didn't give a single damn because we were in hell anyway. I could feel my emotions turning into generated power and before I could even fathom it, I was being restrained and drug out by Solange who I could faintly remember was trying to coax me from going ballistic in this fucking hospital as she was one of the only people who my sizzling body couldn't hurt one bit. The rest of that moment became a time warp and all I remember was the feeling of Giselle going insane with me and our minds just hitting its final breaking point.

"She can't leave me. Not like this!" were the last words I remember me saying during my blackout and after that it was just a blur....

One last fight baby. Just one more and it's over....

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Five hours...

Five whole fucking hours since I last saw the love of my life; beaten, bloody, and lifeless. I was such a mess that I could still feel the heart shattering feeling of Nicki's neck where she lacked a pulse. It was like an everlasting reminder of my biggest fear and I couldn't shake it no matter how hard I tried to remove the sensation, the memory was engraved so traumatically into my brain that I can go as far as feeling it in real time.

I was just numb to everything. Nothing felt real and I felt like time wasn't a constant anymore because I was stuck in the same revolving nightmare; in the same spot, reliving the same events that sunk me deeper and deeper into the deepest part of my soul that Nicki only had access to bring me out of...

After being carried out by my sister and hitting my breaking point in the hospital, a switch just went off in me and I couldn't take it anymore. Id officially reached rock bottom and life as I knew it had officially turned upside down and left me free falling to the unknown as guilt, sorrow and a sense of longing enveloped me and skinned my body so that I was no longer strong, prideful Beyoncé. I was just vulnerable Beyoncé and I knew that this it how it would be for the rest of time if I never got to hear Nicki's voice again...

I had completely shut down on everyone in my life and didn't want to be near anyone or anything that could remotely trigger the build up that had been growing in me since when I first let Nicki out of my sight. So I had isolated myself outside of the emergency wing of the hospital; holing myself on the barren rooftop where nobody could hear me break down, nobody could hear me scream angrily at the world, nobody could see me at my weakest, nobody could see the autopilot that I've been surviving off of in me failing and leaving me nose diving into a crash like no other. I wanted to be alone and I didn't even want to be present in my own body. So I chose not to be and for the very first time in my life as my body sat dangerously off the edge of the roof, neither Giselle nor myself were in control...

We both stayed sitting on the bed of our subconscious together; curled up with our knees to our chests as we looked out through the giant orbs that gave us a view of the outside that were our eyes. Giselle and I both were too distraught to even remotely handle being in control of a physical body, so we both relinquished control and were now consoling each other in our conjoined subconscious for the first time ever as we hoped and damn near preyed to the universe that we weren't too late...