Seal Team- Lost and Alone

Chapter 39

"'This is all my fault!"
"Jason, this isn't you're fault," Sonny started.
"It is.  I was being selfish, and now Ryan is paying the price.  I never thought how this could affect him.  I wanted my kid, and didn't care who got hurt.  I never thought it would be Ryan! It's my job to see three steps ahead and predict all possble outcomes. I didn't do that and now he's suffering. I did this to him....... Maybe he is better off without me.."

"You cannot be fucking serious!" Josh interrupts him. "I don't know what the hell is going on in you're head, but get you're shit together and be at the center tomorrow. I don't care what you have to do to be there. Do it! Now I gotta go get ready to go back and try to get Your son to eat some dinner." He looks at Sonny. "Could you grab me a Scooby Doo movie to take. I told him we'd watch it after he eats."

Sonny gets up and quickly grabs one of the movies that hasn't been open yet and hands it to Josh. Josh heads to the door. Before walking out he throws over his shoulder,"you know what, forget everything I just said. If you're serious about him being better off without you, do us all a favor, and don't show up. Maybe the one at fault is me." He slams the door.
Sonny turns to see Jason sitting on the chair , head down and his fingers laced behind his head. "I know you didn't mean what you said. But you're gonna need to make things right with Josh before tomorrow."
"I know," Jason replies.
"Well if you ever wondered how much Josh cares about Ryan, you just got you're answer. He just lit you're ass up, and I think if you would of been close enough, he would of took a swing at you," Sonny chuckles.

"Seriously, Sonny. You're laughing?"

"Yes, dumbass!  I'm laughing because it warms my heart to know that when the chips are down Josh would go toe to toe with anyone to protect that little boy.  Same way we would..... It's rare ya know.  We will throw down for each other, our families, our brotherhood, no questions asked.... And here comes a guy we've known a few weeks and he shows us that he could stand side by side with us and you'd never know he hasn't been standing with us all along."  Sonny leaves the room knowing Jason just got a reality check and needs to get his head back on straight, and he needs to do it alone.

Jason sits quietly for an hour admitting to himself he acted like an ass and if he was Josh he would of been pissed too. He smiles thinking about how Josh unloaded on him. "I deserved it," he thinks to himself. With that put to rest in his mind, knowing he is stopping at Josh's later to apologize, and make things right, his thoughts once again go back to Ryan, and how he had to find a way to help his son. First and most importantly, Ryan has to eat. The thought of them forcing a tube up  his nose down to his stomach, Jason cannot imagine how traumatized Ryan would be. So his baby boy has to eat. Jason feels he has a lot of work ahead of him. Any trust Ryan had in him, is gone. This may be tougher then when they first met. Earning this kids trust was hard. Gaining it back.... How do I do that he thinks. I'll do whatever I have to he decides.

Josh's day was finally winding down. He spend 2 hours with Ryan, and was finally home having a chance to relax, and took a hot shower to try and take his stress level down a little. He threw on some sweats and a ratty old teeshirt, and was glad he had some cold pizza and even colder beer in the fridge. He sat down in front of the tv and put on some old reruns. 
Half way through the second episode there's a knock at the door.  Opening the door and seeing Jason there, he's really not in the mood.  "What can I do for you Jason?"
"Could I come in?  I really need to talk to you."
"Can this wait, it's been a long day, and I just want to sit and watch some crappy tv for a little bit, and go to sleep."
"Josh, please.  Just let me say what I need to and I'll let you get on with your night."
Josh opens the door wider and stands to the side inviting  him in.  "Have a seat."  Josh sits back down on the couch and Jason takes a seat in the chair across from him.
"Look Josh, I'm sorry.  Im really sorry about earlier.  If it came off like I regret finding Ryan, that's not what I meant.  I meant that I hate the way I went about it and I didn't give it enough serious thought how any of it could negatively affect Ryan.  I'm just pissed off at myself."
"Jason, you need to understand, I'm so worked up over Ryan, that I don't have the energy to sort through anyone else's feelings. I know you were just upset, but I need you. Ryan needs you, this little boy is teetering on the edge. I'm trying so hard to keep a hold on him but I think the only one who has a chance of reaching him, is you. And you were being an ass."