A hearts call

chaptet 16

Ah its not helping me!  I need another one.  I got up and pulled one of of my bag and took two instead of one.  That should work.  I could feel it kicking in and I felt tired fast. My eyes defied me and closed as I lay on the floor.  Now I can sleep.  I guess it definitely worked for me I slept for 12 hours , I woke up and turned my head I was in bed,  with shannon staring straight at me. He wasn't happy.  Me" what's the matter bear? ".    S" you ".   Me" me?  What did I do? ". He wasn't playing I guess.  Me" I'm still tired so I'm gonna get more sleep ".  S" no your not "  I laid non my back and he stood over me.  S" don't start getting into something you can't get out of " .   Me" I have it under control ".  S" that's why you too two instead of one?  Why not just one? ".    Me" who are you a drug counselor?  I'm fine ".    S" your not! ".   Me" don't yell at me! I'm fine!    I just lost my father!  My mother hates me,  I can't seem to get anyone to love me ".   S" I love you, or does that not count in your life? ".    Me" are you being an asshole right now? ".  S" am I?".  

Me" no the guy behind you, yes you! ".    He stopped talking and I was done listening.   I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.    Later on, I awoke from a nightmare.  My father had come to my door and said that he was waiting for me to come by before he passed and then said " maybe you didn't love me enough to come when I'm alive".   I had tears streaming down my face my pillow was soaked.  I can't do this right now. 

Two more....... What the hell?  Where are they?   Me" SHANNON! DAMIT WHERE DID YOU PUT MY PILLS ".  S " you don't need them ".  I grabbed a lamp and threw it against the wall I was pissed off.  S" you gonna calm down".     Me" DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!   IM IN PAIN!  I JUST WOKE UP FROM A GOD DAMN NIGHTMARE HE SAID HE LOVED ME!  I FAILED HIM I WASNT THERE HE BLAMES ME IN MY DREAMS! ".    Shannon slowly approached me and tried to hug me I was still in a daze from my last dose so I was stumbling.   Me" no move!  Don't touch me! ".    S" stop I wanna hug you ".  I smacked his arm away. M" I said NO!".     He grabbed me around my waist right he was to strong for me.  So I did what I thought would make him move.  Me" I hate you ".   He flinched and didn't say a word.   S" you don't mean that ".   I swallowed hard and said " give me my fuckin pills and I will love you again".     S" no ".     Me" get off me! ".    He spun me around and put his head on my shoulder and said in my ear " I love you,  now stop! ".   I elbows him right in the stomach and he let go. 

I got by the bed and found the pill bottle and open the lid just as he tackled me.  Spilling them all over the floor.   Me" damit you son of a bitch!   Now what am I gonna do? ".    He pinned me down with all his weight and kissed my neck.  S" let me be your pain killer.  I wont end up killing you in the end ".    I gave up.  He kissed me and I kissed him back just as deep.  As soon as he move,  I'm grabbing three.  I knew I'd have to hide my habit from now in a lot better.