A hearts call

chapter 29

I couldn't sleep. I just spilled my dirty little secret I hid from him all this time.  I wonder if he still trusts me?  I turned and watched him sleep. He was out like a light and I didn't wanna wake him. I quietly got out of bed and went down for a glass of warm sleepy tea,  maybe that would help me.  As the water boiled,  I looked out the window and thought I had to face her once and for all. In order for me to fully move on and forgive,  I had to. I swallowed the poison as she slept in her bed guilt free, not a care in the world. She knew everyday I had been put through hell. He took advantage of me. He was long gone,  I let that grudge die with him. I had to what's the use in killing my heart with a pain like that. He had probably felt like the worst person in the world.  I never would know,  he was now in gods hands.  Peace gave me peace.

As I sipped the cooling tea, I could hear my phone buzzing.  I ignored it. Nothing and no one was gonna bother me. Not now. I needed peace. I remembered my great aunt,  was a hippie and she used to sit in a feild of wild flowers in Italy. She sat there for hours till the sun went down. Writing and painting. She was the artist in the blood line.  I wanted to be like her so badly. It skipped me and went to my sister. Oh man! She could sing paint and draw like no other. She could put  the most famed artist to shame. She painted from her soul. Every color ,shape and image was alive. You could feel and touch the images she created. You wanted to be in those paintings.

I missed her.  I needed to mske the trek home,  for that reason. It was closing in on the holidays soon maybe I could convince him to come with me.  S" what are you doing up? ".   I smiled.  I couldn't help it,  how voice made me drift away into my happy place.  Me" I couldn't sleep ".   He wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzles his sleep head on my shoulder. 

Me" did I wake you? ".   He moans softly in my ear and says " bed was cold without you ".  I leaned my body into him and close my eyes.   Me" what did you think when I told you about..... ".   S" I was angry and hurt for you. It hurt me to see you that upset and that you never told me, but.... ".   Me" Shannon I.....".  He turned my head and I looked in his eyes.  S" let me finish ".   I kissed his chin and ran my hand up his cheek.  His stubble is so sexy. S" when we go home,  I have to show you something ".  Show me?  Me" what do you wanna show me? ".  He kissed my nose and said " when we get there I will show you ok.  Let's go back to bed ".   I sat up and had a few more sips of my tea and I could already feel it working.  

We made our way back to bed and I went to the bathroom to see my puffy eyes. I didn't realize I'd cried that much.  I took a couple drops of eye cream and dabbed it on my skin. I looked up into his reflection in the mirror and he smiled.  S" why do you do that? ".    Me" do what? ".    S" keep things from me? ".   I looked down and didn't really have an answer for him.  Me" I burried it as long as I could. But for some reason it just broke down the walls and I had to tell you ".  S" that still doesn't answer my question".   I turned to him and said " I wanna go to bed ".   As I went to exit the bathroom he blocked me. Me" move!".   He don't budge. I tried to push past him and he grabbed me and pushed me inside and closed the door.  Me" Shannon let me out ".   S" no ,  tell me why you had this from me ".   I said nothing I was getting mad.  Me" open the door! ".    He stood against it and still my anger got more and more intense. 

I gathered all my fury and slapped his face he turned and held his cheek.  S" why did you do that".  Me" your holding me in here against my will!  My father used to do that to me!  He would fuckin wait till everyone was gone and locked me in the room or bathroom and have his way with me. So if you don't fuckin move in two god damn seconds,  I will leave you. I will leave an never come back ".   He pushed himself on me and tried to kiss me I turned away.  S" don't do that. That hurts me ".   I screamed and yelled out every ounce of burried pain and frustation I'd ever felt about my father.  Me" LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE DONT TOUCH ME,  DONT KISS ME LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO DIRTY! ".    Shannon looked at me in  shock.  I shook myself out of my angered phase and felt so guilty. I had taken my hurt out on the one person who was truing to help me.  S" I'm going to bed ".  He opened the door and walks out and leaves me standing there.  Me" Shannon? ".   He didn't say a peep. I come over to his side of the bed and touch his face and say" I'm sorry ".   S" its fine,  I just wanna go to sleep ok ".   Me" yea ".  I leave him be and get into bed. He doesn't turn and hold me like he usually does. He stays put facing the other way.  As I lay there,  I knew what I had to do. 

Before the sun came up that morning, I grabbed my suitcase and my coat.  He would see me again someday. Shannon woke up and turned around and noticed I wasn't there.  He sat up quick and and bolted out of bed. S" oh god where is she? "