DanFiction^2

Closed Doors

"No, I'd help you cause if you die, I die and I don't want to die at the hands of a stripper." 

-One author to the other when discussing taking a pole dancing class together.

Arin's POV

I woke up in the hospital bed. The lights and sounds were deafening. The only thing grounding me was the hand in mine, and the mop of curly hair spilling over my chest. I attempted to speak, my voice deep and guttural.  

"Dan?" I asked confused, assuming the hair was his, honestly, it could have been a very confused mop. 50/50. His eyes meet mine, and in seconds his arms were around me. I could feel his body shaking with sobs. 

"Hey." He manages, his voice breaking. My heart aches for all the hurt he had to have gone through.

"How long has it been?" I manage. "Please tell me it hasn't been three months," I say with an attempt at a laugh. He looks up at me, worry written all over his face. 

"No, three hours actually but that was three fucking hours too many. Don't ever do that again." He says clutching my harder. My hand weakly makes its way to his hair as he shakes the bed with his cries. "I put you in danger Arin. I- fucking, being around me almost killed you. She tried to fucking kill me and goddamn it Arin, I know she was one of your best friends but she ALMOST FUCKING KILLED YOU. She went after me and you got caught in the crossfire. I put you in danger Arin. I can't risk you dying. In the three hours you were away from me, I thought you were dead. What if they couldn't save you?" His face was wilted. With each word, I could feel my heart sink to my stomach. He was about to break up with me.

"If they couldn't save you it would have been my fault. She shot you Arin. She was aiming for me. It should have been me. It should have been me. It should have fucking been me." With each word, his eyes glaze over. I was losing him, he was sinking into it. I gripped both his hands as tightly as I could manage and forced him to look me. 

"Dan please stop. I'm not letting your ass leave me because you have survivor's guilt. There's not a need to have survivors guilt since I'M ALIVE. It shouldn't have been you, I survived I'm gonna be okay. I'm right here Dan, don't leave me, please. You being here doesn't put me in danger. You leaving me does. Dan, I can't fucking live without you." I say fear overtaking my voice. I can feel my cheeks flush hot with tears. Something snaps behind his eyes and guilt twists his face.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry Arin." He pulls me back into his chest. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. God, fucking, I'm such a fucking idiot. Once again, here I go hurting the person I love more than life itself. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have said that.  I'm sorry." He says dropping his head. I pull him forward.

"You didn't hurt me, Dan. I promise you, don't let the voices drown you. You are not bad for me. You are not a danger to me. You are the love of my fucking life, I am here for you always. I am not going anywhere, as long as you'll have me." I say pressing my forehead to his. I can feel his cries soften. I cradle his face in my hands. Tears stream down his face, his eyes puffy, and his cheeks red. My heart breaks for the sea of pain I can see behind his eyes. Almost losing me was so much for him and I understood. I was in the same boat all those weeks ago. 

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, we're gonna find a way to get everything together. I promise. I know shit's been hard and so much has fucking happened but we'll deal with Suzie." With the last sentence, my stomach turns. It's an ache I don't recognize is there until I try to speak again and feel a lump in my throat. I don't want Suzie 'dealt with.' She tried to kill me, she tried to kill Dan.

Yet,

She was my wife. She was supposed to be the one I spent the rest of my life with. I loved her, fuck.

Love her. And she was drunk. If she were to sober up, she could be better. She could be our friend again. I know her, that wasn't her. The woman I fell in love with wouldn't do this. Hell, she didn't even drink when we were together. We only had the tequila in the house for guests. 

She was my first love, Dan had to understand that I didn't want any harm to come to her. Even though it's not exactly reciprocated. But she tried to kill Dan, almost killing me. I don't know if I could ever forgive her, but why do I feel like this?

"Arin, are you okay?" Dan asks me as I snap out of thoughts. 

"Yeah," I say, not quite meeting his gaze. 

"Don't you lie to me Arin, what's wrong?" He asks lifting my chin with his finger forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"I think we need to talk to Suzie," I say and Dan's expression hardens.

"Why Arin?" He says his voice heavy with disappointment.

"She was drunk," I say simply causing him to run his hands through his hair. 

"I guess Arin, but if she tries to fucking hurt you again, I will not be giving her a third chance. I swear to fucking god." He says, trying to hold his tone heavy as to not get aggressive with me. I know he didn't want to forgive her right now but I couldn't stop how I was feeling.