Into the Fire (gxg)

Chapter 13

Why do I do this to myself?

Here I thought that someone would actually like me for me. I should've known better. She had a boyfriend. But she gave me so many signals. I always do this to myself, once I open up my heart to someone, it always gets ripped out...I'm never gonna be good enough, am I?

I had only had one relationship with a girl throughout my senior year and my firefighting training, we were inseparable, she was like my best friend and more. Until I found out that she had been cheating on me the whole time.

I had been betrayed and used. My heart was shattered in a disarray of pieces, it took so long for me to finally heal, the scars became distant memories and I had built walls so high to prevent the pain and heartbreak again.

I had only had flings since then, almost opening my heart up only to be used. My emotions seemed like a game for people to play with but I never let it break me like she did. Never again.

I was on my 48 hour shift at the station and I was cleaning the equipment whilst trapped in my thoughts.

I hadn't really talked to anyone much no matter how hard they tried, I felt like a rubber band, being stretched, almost ready to snap.

"Okay, what's going on with you. It's been hours and you haven't said a damn thing. You've been like this all week. So spill."

I ignored Chris as I continued on the equipment.

"Natalie" he grabbed the cloth out of my hand forcing me to look up at him.

The anger from my thoughts and irritation boiled my blood.

"There's nothing to fucking talk about Chris. Just drop it." I snapped.

"I know you more than anyone Nat. This is about Olivia isn't it?" He asked. I flinched at the name, the anger turned into sadness as I placed the equipment back onto the bench.

"I haven't heard from her in two weeks Chris. She broke down my walls and allowed me to open my heart again. Why does this happen to me?" I mentally kicked myself as a tear escaped my eye.

I've tried to reach out but I got nothing.

I said that I wouldn't let her go, but how could I stay true to my word, when she didn't want anything to do with me?

Chris placed his hand over mine, "look, these things happen Nat. It sucks now, but it makes us who we are. You're the strongest woman I know but I hate to see you beat yourself up like this. C'mon, let's get some lunch."

Cheers came from the dining table as they looked at me, I couldn't help but laugh at the response they gave me as I walked into the stations canteen.

"Took you long enough" Jason said laughing.

"Shut up Jase" I said as I punched his arm laughing.