chapter 9 | Philophobia

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"Stay..."

"Why...? I can't sleep with you-" my arm gets pulled down. "I'm scared..."

I sigh but sit down at the edge of the bed. "Scared of what?" I ask, no matter how obvious it is that she's half-asleep. "...bad men..." she mumbles, and her hold on my hand loosens. "You said you protect me..." she opens her sleepy eyes to look at me but knows how to make me give in. I know I don't have the right to do that, her father would kill me if he knew.

I still lean over and tuck myself under the blanket, I close the curtains, but she snuggles up against me to put her arms around my body and rest her head on my chest. My lips curve up into a smile I would like to hide, but I place my arm around her neck and pull the blanket higher on us. "Goodnight," my lips land on her head for a kiss. "Goodnight."

This is really not a good idea, but whatever, I'll regret it in the morning.



- Next day -



Sunday, October 13, 2019.

10 am.

The night ending after long hours, I finally open my eyes and come back on earth. The sunlight blinds my sensitive eyes, but I look down at the girl still sleeping against me.

I pull my hand out of her cloth to not touch her hip anymore but pay the consequences of my weakness. I move back and don't let my morning wood against her butt anymore, neither my leg between hers, her body still lying down on its side with one leg bent up, I heave a sharp sigh but get on my back.

Why did I have to say 'yes' last night? I knew I wouldn't be able to stand any physical contact in the morning. I'm sensitive and-

Her body turns around when I cut this tension off as sharply as I could, and her arm and leg cover my body. I bite my lips but grab her bare thigh to get it away from my hard member. "Jungkook..." she mumbles in her sleep, making me turn my head towards her.

I stare without doing anything else, scrutinizing her features but witnessing how much of an angel she can look like while traveling through her dreams. A smile curves the corners of my lips up, instinctively, the calm in the room making me feel soft and good after all the mornings I've spent with no one by my side.

Her eyes open without any warning but dive into mine to catch me off guard right when I was gazing at her fixedly. We don't say a word but remain silent, our eyes looking into each other's ones as if we were unable to find a way to put an end to this. I move my hand to her hair and comb them, patting her head but feeling soft. Why does this feel so unusual? I almost forgot what this type of moment was, I didn't even know I missed it so much. 

As soon as she offers me a smile, I return it without being conscious of my actions, but she cuddles up against my body and climbs onto me. I struggle with those frictions that worsen my hardness, and she spreads her legs and encircles my neck with her arms.

She shouldn't be so intimate, she knows what this can cause.

"Y/n..." I barely touch her back to not reciprocate all of this, but her body affects mine in a sexual manner, just like I didn't want it to. She smiles against my cheek but sits up, my erection still pressing onto her core but even more heavily now. "Sweetheart," I grab her by the waist and put her on the sheets.

I look into her eyes and lay my hand on her thigh to caress it and smile at her, just for her to understand that we shouldn't be doing this. I leave the bed and head to the door.

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