The Alpha's Heart

chapter 46

Eliana POV

"Noah!" I yell, my eyes bursting open as my heart races in my chest. I take in fast, deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

"Eliana...?" I slowly turn my head to the side, seeing Noah's face. His eyes wide, his grip on my hand grows tighter.

This was that warmth.

I squeeze his hand in response.

"I'm home." I smile weakly. His stunned face morphs into a shaky smile as he grabs my shoulders and throws me into his chest, wrapping his hands around me.

"I missed you. I fucking missed you." He says, his voice cracking. I wrap my arms around him as well.

"I miss you too." I whisper. My heart warms as his scent fills my scents.

I'm home.

"I thought you were going to be out for months, I thought you were-" He stops. I smile as he snuggles closer into the crook of my neck.

"That doesn't matter. You're back and that's all that matters." He pulls away, leaving my front with a cold draft.

What a strange dream. Why did I think I had lost my home? Noah's right here, he's...wait.

"What happened? How did I end up like this...?" His face falls as my eyebrows furrow.

Why am I like this? What...?

"...killed your sister."

What?

"Don't think about it, just focus on your recovery." Noah says, his hands on my mine beginning to tremble.

"Wait, no. I-"

"I can't run from this, Noah."

These memories, that day...

"Liam. Liam showed up with his father and he- they were your sisters kil-" Noah shakes his head, squeezing my hand even tighter.

"Forget about that. It doesn't matter. I took care of it, Eliana." His eyes pierce into my deeply, almost panicked.

"Eliana's one of us."

"Oh Goddess. Your sister, my pack. Noah, my blood killed your-"

"You didn't have anything to do with it!" He screams, standing up abruptly as his chair falls back. His fists are clenched as he stares at me, breathing heavily.

This is why I lost myself to the slumber. The woman in my dream was wrong, I have lost my home.

"Noah." I shake my head, looking away from him.

How can I treat him the same?

"Don't look away from me, Eliana. Don't ever feel like you can't look me in my eyes. You're my mate. I know you. I love you." He grabs my hand again, sliding up next to me on his knees. My eyes stay trained on the gray blanket surrounding me.

"Noah, even if you ignore it, what about your pack? A-and your parents?" I glance towards him, seeing his head down as he holds my hands tight, clinging to it.

"I told them everything. They said they didn't care. They agree with me." He lifts his head and meets my gaze. I don't look away.

Even so, it's still not enough.

"I should go beg for forgiveness. I have to go do something. I can't just be forgiven like this, Noah. This alone doesn't feel right." I try to get up, ignoring the pain and aches that echo through my joints and body as I toss off the blanket. Noah strengthens his grip on my hand.

"Just stay here with me..." He breathes out, his eyes filling with tears. I freeze.

I want to. I want to go back to not knowing about this. I want to say I can walk up to my friends here and act the way I have been but that's impossible.

It's impossible now.

"I thought I lost you. When you passed out after using your powers for that long, I thought you had used up all your life force and I wouldn't get to see your face again, your smile, hear your laugh. Eliana, you belong with me. I can't be without you." A tear rolls down his face as he looks to the floor.

"Noah, I-" I bite my lip, unable to find the right words.

Nothing's right, now. Everything gone horribly wrong. It's been wrong since 13 years ago.

This is a debt someone has to pay for and I'm the only one here to take all the blame.

"So just stay here with me. A little longer." He whispers. I sigh, holding back my own urge to cry as I bend down and wrap my arms around Noah. He hugs me back fiercely, his quiet sobs racking through his body into mine.

What do I do to fix this? What do I do now?

***

Noah cuddles into my side, sleeping peacefully, cramped on the twin size mattress. Hours of him holding on to me, staying by my side, ordering his pack members to bring us food outside the door. He didn't even let Alyssa see me, or back into her space.

You were fighting for me out here, weren't you? You dumb pup.

"I love you too." I whisper against his ear, stroking his hair as his face rests on my chest. A knock at the door takes my eyes away from his slumbering figure.

The door creaks open to reveal Beth. She slips in, closing the door behind her gently. I swallow.

"Hi, Beth. It's late." I ask, clearing my throat as she walks closer to me, her head turned to the ground.

"Beth?" She stops a few feet away, slowly meeting my eyes. I blink seeing her red-stained orbs.

"I want to see my friend in you, Eliana. I do." She clenches her fists and teeth. I simply wait for her to continue.

I expected this. I knew this was coming.

"But I can't. I just- can't." With that she leaves, slamming the door behind her and sending a knife through the heart of our friendship.

I just didn't know it'd hurt this bad.
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43k ~ 7/23/20

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