𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙠𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨

• forever •

"Anakin, get back here right now!" You yelled over the comlink, sweat dripping down your forehead as you raced through the hangar. 

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm almost done," His voice came through, but his words of reassurance did little to calm you down.

"We need to leave, now!" You all but screamed, extremely frustrated at him. "This place is gonna explode any second." Your starfighter finally came into view and you rushed over to where it was sitting besides Anakin's. "I'm waiting, come on!"

"Y/N, you gotta leave without me," He said, making you frown. "I'll be right behind you, I promise."

"I am not leaving without you, Skywalker!" You shouted, your grip tightening around the handle of your lightsaber. "Get to the hangar, and we'll leave together-"

"I've dismantled the explosives, it's all under control," Anakin explained, his voice a lot calmer. "You need to fly back onto the Grey Stone, and close off the shields so I can destroy this ship for good."

You sighed with relief and opened the door to your starfighter before climbing in. "Alright, I'll let you know when it's done."

"I'll see you soon, bubble," He called out. "I love you."

"I love you more, Kinny," You responded with a small grin, before strapping yourself into your seat. 

"That's impossible," Anakin replied, just before you set off.

Leaving him there that night was the biggest regret of your life.
  
  

  

What were you to do when the love of your life was gone and you couldn't bring him back?

How were you to act once everyone else had gotten over his death, and you were still completely broken yet unable to justify your feelings?

Your love for him while he was alive was shrouded in secrecy, as was your mourning once he had passed. No-one would understand why you still cried yourself to sleep each night, months after the war was over, clutching your pillow for just a fraction of the feeling you'd get when you were holding him. No-one would understand why it was still difficult for you to do something as simple as ignite your lightsaber, because it was him who spent so many late hours carefully teaching you the craft when your own Master was too hard on you. 

No-one would understand why you never stopped blaming yourself for letting him die alone in the explosion, because living without him wasn't worth living at all.

They celebrated him as a martyr, but you couldn't find it in you to see any positivity in his death. Every word, everywhere you went, even the food you ate reminded you of him. 

You tried pushing through, you really did. You gave it a good go. You put on a brave face in hopes that your fake happiness would soon manifest into something real, but there was a weight on your heart preventing you from feeling anything real anymore.

At least you could say that you tried. That's how you justified it when you found yourself standing on the balcony, overlooking the city. Coruscant was beautiful, but it had become ugly to you. Every street, every smell, every sight triggered a memory of him, and you had had enough of the mental torture.

"Find it in yourself," He whispered as you held your lightsaber up, a determined look on your face. "Focus your mind."

"Master Broon-"

"Is a bastard, I know," He cut you off with a chuckle. "Master Skywalker is here, now. And I'm telling you that you can do this. Ignite your saber."