I See Your Soul [An Original Michael Jackson Love Story] ✔

Chapter 12: Going Steady - Part Five: What a Nightmare

Saturday, November 3, 1979

It was the best sleep Nicole had ever had. The room was cool but the blankets were heavy and warm. The mattress was like a dream, both soft and firm at the same time. Nicole had drifted in and out of consciousness half a dozen times before finally opening her eyes. She recognized it as Michael's room immediately, but didn't remember falling asleep here. Slowly, she sat up--

Michael: Good morning.

He was sitting at an armchair by the bed, writing replies to the mail sent by fans. It was like playing "Where's Waldo" amongst the faces of his many mannequins. Nicole didn't speak, making him wonder if she was still angry from the night before. Setting his notebook in the chair, Michael approached with caution. She could see him now, but the bed was so big he still seemed miles away. Thinking there was a chance she was still dreaming, Nicole relaxed her head back to the pillows and closed her eyes again. She felt the shifting as Michael sat next to her.

Michael: You feel okay? I got a juice for you...

Nicole: I slept here?

Michael: Yes... Uh, but I slept on the floor--

Nicole groaned loudly. How embarrassing that she was such a nightmare, Michael would rather sleep on the cold hard floor than this glorious bed!

Nicole: I'm so sorry! It's your bed, Michael. You didn't have to do that.

Michael: You were sleeping first. I didn't want to be impolite.

She sighed softer now and opened her eyes again. He was sitting close, but far back enough she could see his face without straining. He looked tired. It was rare that Michael would wake up before her, making Nicole question if he'd actually slept at all... She was so embarrassed about everything last night, from the moment she opened his mail. But his face was kind. Not a trace of bitterness or resentment. Nicole wanted to move closer to soak up this unfamiliar warmth and genuine affection. To rest her head in Michael's lap and be held and petted like a child... But she didn't. He passed her the bottle of juice.

Nicole: Thank you.

Michael: You're welcome. Did you sleep well?

Nicole: God yes. I may never leave.

Michael: You don't have to-- Uh, I mean, you can stay as long as you want. Really.

Nicole: Thank you, Michael. I mean for letting me sleep here and everything. You're very sweet.

Michael: You're welcome.

She still didn't sit up, unable to find the will to raise even her head that weighed heavy with grief and guilt. Nicole spun the plastic bottle between her fingers as Michael watched then finally wiggled lower to match her. He was looking for her eyes while she avoided his.

Nicole: I'm sorry about last night, Michael. You were right. I was being nasty.

Michael: I don't want to fight with you.

Nicole: I don't want to fight with you either.

Michael: I'm in love with you.

Nicole: I-- uh, you what?

He laughed and reached for her hand.

Michael: I couldn't sleep. I was up half the night just thinking about how exciting yesterday was. And then I thought about how exciting every day with you has been, even when we aren't doing anything at all. I just love being with you. And even after everything yesterday I just thought, you know, we'll be fine again tomorrow because I couldn't imagine a tomorrow without you being there. Even if you're being mean, I always want to be with you. And I want to do whatever I can to make you happy again. And I think that might be what it means to be in love...

Nicole shut her eyes fiercely. 

This MUST be a dream. 

There rose a sudden urge to throw up, but her stomach was too empty.

Michael: Hey?

Nicole: I don't know-- I can't--

Nicole was stuttering as her hand reached to sooth her neck like the day before. But Michael stopped her, holding her tightly there himself. Squeezing her muscles, Michael fought the tension he knew he was responsible for. His voice was firm now.

Michael: Nicole? It's okay. I know you don't feel the same way.

He chuckled warmly when she peeked her eyes open and her brows squinted in confusion. His face was even closer now as he held Nicole's neck. There was no avoiding him. He looked so soft. Even with no sleep Michael was beautiful.

Nicole: It's okay?

Michael: Of course! I can't control how you feel. I can just hope one day you'll grow to feel the same way-- But not today. Or tomorrow. Just, whenever you're ready.

Nicole:... Really?

Michael: Yes. Really.

He wondered what Nicole was thinking as her eyes drifted past him. She was far away, wondering lost somewhere, and Michael wanted her back.

Michael:... May I kiss you?

He almost saw her smile when she looked at him again.

Nicole: Yes-- ah. No!

Michael: No?

Hiding her mouth behind both hands, Nicole felt the heat rush to her cheeks.

Nicole: I need to brush my teeth! You have an extra toothbrush?

Michael: Sure. Under the sink.

Nicole was already slinking away, red with embarrassment. She rolled clumsily off the bed before pouncing back to her feet and walking backwards towards the bathroom. Though disappointed, Michael thought it was cute, loving the way she looked after a night in his clothes.

Nicole: I'm, uh, gonna shower too while I'm in here.

Michael: Oh, okay.

Closing the door Nicole quickly turned on the shower before ruffling through the cabinets for a spare toothbrush. She stared at the red marks reflecting on the glass in front her before releasing a long sigh to no one but herself.

Nicole: It's over.