I See Your Soul [An Original Michael Jackson Love Story] ✔

Author's Note & Open Discussion

On July 18, 2005, I wrote in my journal:

Did I ever tell you I thought about writing a part two to Nicole my story. Well I am. Sort of a what if type thing. Like what if she had lived and married Michael and all that ya no. I'm not sure If I wanna post it though. Maybe just write it for the purpose of writing. I'm starting to think I won't want to post any of the stories I ever write. I like stories when they're friends before anything else because that's the sort of relationship I always wanted, but people don't really like stories like that. If they do it really doesn't show.

I was 14 years old that day.

That was when I began to write this story.

If you had asked me even 2 years ago, I never would've imagined re-opening this book... or finishing it-- much less sharing it with a world of strangers. I couldn't be more grateful for all of you who read every word and let me share a piece of my own soul with you.

If I can give just the tiniest piece of advice; don't stop doing whatever it is you love to do. Childhood and adulthood are not separate things! If you once loved to paint or read or build or daydream or run or dance or whatever, I beg of you, keep doing that thing! There are a million reasons to stop. But the only reason to keep going, is ~you~ Write because you love to write. Sing because you love to sing. Don't let anyone talk you out of doing what your soul craves.

Michael taught me that. 🌻

So, let's talk about the book.

~ This is a story about perspective. The view from a best friend on the other end of a phone line, a superstar behind the gate, the stoned cashier at a rest stop, and the eyes of an all-seeing hawk.

~ This story is about youth. The struggle to maintain the magic of innocence. The struggle to break away from the shadows of our 16 year old selves.

~ This story is about trauma and generational abuse. I loved that so many of you took Nicole's side once the arguing and tensions rose. I hope you keep your power in your own personal relationships and don't let infatuation cloud your judgement. But also please learn to lean in. And forgive. Be lovers, not fighters.

~ This story is about magic. The art of illusion. The illusion of perfection. The realization that we're all just human.

But ultimately, this story is about love. A friendship turned romance, sure, but also the love of two best friends. The love of a mother and her son, a father and his daughter, siblings, and the way we are all affected. The love between Michael and his fans. The love of Bill, a hired employee, turned friend, turned father. That's the thing about love, it never really goes away, it just morphs into something else or fades like a fire into invisible smoke.

I'd love to know your thoughts.

Did you like Michael?

Michael was an incredibly complicated and misunderstood human being. Trapped between boy and man, feminine and masculine, and worlds pushing him towards stardom while criticizing his ability to be "normal." He yearned desperately to live like everyone else, knowing he never could. I think this constant internal struggle is what slowly turned Michael Jackson's public image into a caricature. In a way, we wish Michael had been more outspoken about his upbringing and the struggles of a childhood star. Maybe then the world would've been more accepting to his Peter Pan persona, longing for a lost childhood, etc. But who are we to judge? Honestly, I'm glad he put those black shades on and learned to protect his soul.

This story was meant to show the beginning of the anger that fueled Michael Jackson to become the greatest entertainer the world has and will ever know. Yes, he was talented, and humble, and loving, and generous, but he was also needy, and guarded, and kind of a brat. It's irresponsible to cast any human being as all good (the danger of this fandom) or all bad (the motive of the media). If you read this whole book, I hope you can see many similarities between our character and the real man. If you haven't before, I hope it motivates you to seek out other works and words by and about Michael Jackson, because to know him, is to love him. If anyone has favorite books or interviews, please share. (My all-time favorite documentary is up in the header.)