Aviophobia ||L.Felix x B.C.Chan||

LXII. Comforted

Possibly triggering subjects!
If not comfortable with selfharm, panic, etc, or you just don't want to feel sad, don't read.
Felix pov

I was looking at the things around me on the floor, that is, as far as I could see through my blurry, tearfilled eyes.

In the distance I heard a soft sound. My phone.. I listened closer to the sound and recognized 'love like you' from Steven Universe. Chan! Where is it...

I carefully felt around me and found my phone on a pile of towels. I shakily opened the call and sat back down on the floor, my back against the edge of the tub.

"Hey fluffy.."
"H-hey.. Sorry for bot-thering you at a time like this.."

"Bothering me? First of all, you'd never bother me, not even if you really wanted to. Second of all, I called YOU, 20 minutes after your last message, if anything I could be bothering you. Are you still crying?"

20 minutes?! But didn't I only just sit down a short moment ago? How did 20 minutes pass?

"Only a little.."
"Lixie your voice tells me otherwise. And what's that echo, are you in your bathroom or something?"

"Y-yeah"
"Why?" Chan's voice sounds clear and warm, not confused or panicked, just wondering.

"I-" my voice broke and it felt like my mind did the same. Too many thoughts went through my head, making it impossible to actually realize one of them.

My head felt like NYC central streets on a Monday morning. Too crowded and full to oversee and pay attention to only one thing.

Chan was calmly awaiting my answer on the other side of the line but I couldn't push more words through my throat.

"I-"
"Lixie listen to me yeah? Think about only the one question I ask you. Where are you right now?"

"O.. O-.." My voice choked every time I tried to speak until I coughed out a sob. I heard how the elder took a deep breath and continued talking to me. However I could barely catch his words because the pain in my chest returned and my ears seemed slightly muted.

"Baby, do you hear me?" Still the same, clear voice.
"..y..yes.."
"Great. Take your time to answer okay? There's no rush. Where are you right now?"

"..o.. on the f-floor.."
"What floor?"
"..ba..bathroom.."
"Very well, the bathroom floor. What's around you?"

Through choked sobs I tried to answer him, but it seemed impossible to say. I am weak to have given in again. I'm so dumb..
"Baby stay with me here, follow my breathing okay? In through the nose, out through the mouth."

Chan continued guiding me to calm my breathing until I was somewhat steady again.

"Baby I'm sorry to ask again, because it seems to trigger you but I need to know. What is around you?"

"S-some toilet paper.. And towels.. Bandaids..."

"What else? Surely there's more"
"...b-... I.. I can't.. Sorry.."
"Yes you can babyboy. What else is there?"

I tightly closed my eyes and clung to the phone as if it were a safety rope that kept me from falling while I spoke through broken sobs.

"R-.. Raz- zorblades.. Sci-..scisso- or..."

For a splitsecond Chan stayed silent before answering in still the same calm voice.
"And that is all?"
"Ye- yes.."

"Did you misuse any if them?"
"I-... N-no...."
"You were going to?"

Was I going to? It's been years since the last time I gave in and haven't felt the need to in just as many years.

"..I think so..."
"You didn't make a specific plan?"

Why did only answering his questions and listening to him calm me down a little?

"No... It just-... It just happened..."
"Were you going to harm or take your life?"
"..I would never take my own life..."

"Very good. Are the blades really still clean? No hurt because of them?"
"..they're clean, I'm not more damaged than when we left the hospital.."

"You've already been damaged plenty today, let's not make that worse. When we got drunk last week you told me you did it for the last time some years back. Was that the last time you had the urge?"

"..yes."
"You don't feel the need to in daily life?"
"No.. I think the amount of things that happened tonight triggered it..."

"Alright then I now want you to wipe your tears.." I did as he said without hesitating.

"Done?"
"Yes"
"Then I want you to sit up completely and only if you feel alright you may stand, okay?"

I nodded even though he couldn't see it "..okay" I sat up and after a bit of headache I felt okay and stood.

"Done.."
"Then now gather the things that are on the floor one by one and put them in the sink for now. You can put them away properly after sleeping."

I did exactly as Chan said and waited for the next small step, while keeping an eye on my breathing for him.

"Done everything? Great! Now go to Minho and tell him you're '15-04'."
"..I shouldn't wake him up..."
"Yes you should. 15-04, got it?"
"15-04.. Do I really need to wake him up?"
"Yes."
"Hmmkay"

Still wiping the last tears and sniffling away my runny nose I silently walked to Jisungs room.