Pushed Aside

Courage and Asking

Elliot's POV

Today has been a clusterfuck of thoughts, emotions and unfinished sentences that never left my mouth. And all I want to say, is whoever that moon Bitch Goddess is, or whoever is in charge of this terrible soulmate story, I hope you drop all your pizza rolls into sand.

All morning, it's been tag between my mind and my heart, going back and forth on how to handle this situation and what to do.

I can feel Zay trying to figure out what's going on, as well as his gaze that keeps touching my body and flying away.

Though it's not all him, because I've caught myself starting at him a few times as well, unable to help myself as I try to figure out this unfinished puzzle in my head. One time I got caught staring at his slim figure and when I went to look away, my gaze got anchored in his emerald gaze. Even from here I could see the pain and fatigue that he's working so hard to hide. But it's only because I'm looking for it now.

I want to talk to him about it so bad but here's a few things wrong with that.

For one thing, I am a absolute bitch when it comes to starting conversations like this. I've been told all my life I have the face and body as a dominant king, but a soft boy personality, I can't help it. Having to put my insecurities and overthinking aside to talk to Zay about something that's tearing the both of us apart from the inside out? No thanks.

The second reason that it is a no go, is that I'm not even supposed to know about any of this. When I was going to find out, or if I was ever, that answer is beyond me and no longer relevant in the scheme of things since I fucked that up by listening to the conversation.

There's a lesson to be learned there for us nosey people in the world, if it's not directed at you, it's not for you.

Keep walking.

Fuck I should have just kept walking.

But the biggest reason that I don't want to bring up the whole soulmate thing to Zay is because I'm not sure In ready for what he has to say. What if he's not pleased with me being his soulmate? And I know I'm not ready to hear about all the pain that I just saw in his yes not even thirty minutes ago when I caught his gaze once more.

At least that time I was able to look away.

There's too many factors, too many possibilities and too much pressure for me to go up to the man and ask him what it means for me to be his Chain.

But I also know that it needs to happen at some point or other, and if Zay has waited this long to say something he must be scared out of his mind as well about what could happen and what will be said. The unknown is one scary bitch, and I'm tired of her sneaking into everything.

And these thoughts go back and forth in my mind as I try to figure out what to do.

I really really hate making decisions like this, especially the small ones that can change you're life together. I wish I was in a book where everything was planned out and my life went the way it was supposed to, because this guessing game of what comes next gets old.

After another hours or two of standing around and greeting random people that come it it he Aquarium, there's a rotation as other workings come to take our place and Zay and I head back into the worker section of the building finally time to eat lunch.

We go to the break room that's a few doors down from the locker room and we collect plates of food that the aquarium always has laid out for us in saran wrap.

I grab myself a sprite as a sullen Zay goes to stand quietly off to the side, more than likely going to wait for Beth, and it's the sad far away look in his eyes that finally kills me and makes up my kind for me. With anxiety in my throat and intrusive thoughts in my head, I go up to Zay, who looks up in surprise. "Come have lunch with me."

His eyebrows shoot up ad he cheeks flare up a precious pink, and I try not to laugh when I see his crazy eyes return, my smile unable to help itself as it twitches across my lips.

"Okay." He says soften and I nod my head to him before turning around and making my way out of the break room. I see Beth and Ares come in the door and notice me leading Zay out, and the security guard holds the door open with a smirk directed at me. I shake my head to myself. Still unbelieving that I missed all the signs that are so clear to me now.

I lead a for once silent Zay out of the building and to a picnics table that sits outside in the gaze if the warm sun.

I set my stuff down and look up to see Zayvion hesitantly making his way over to the table with a nervous smile. "If you're planning on killing me for asking you out yesterday, can you do it after I eat?" He asks and at first I'm confused before I laugh.

This man has his priorities straight for one and two, I can't believe he thought I was upset over something as simple as an invitation to hang out.

"I'm not going to kill you. And I'm not mad at you." I tell him, both statements true as he lowers himself into the bench of the other side of the table and sets his plate down along with his Pepsi.

"So what are you gonna do?" He asks clearly just as anxious and nervous as I am about su spending alone time together outside of training, but I try to swallow my nerves along with a sip of sprite.

"We are going to eat. Then we are going to talk." I tell him and I can hear the unspoken question in his head, wanting to know if it's a date, but I let him answer it however he pleases, only ready to tackle one obstacle at a time. He nods his head slowly as we both unwrap our food and begin quietly eating our lunch.

As we do, I can't help the feeling of relaxation that falls over my body, the faint smell of jasmine and something else shifting with the wind.

As our sandwiches and food get eaten, I can't help but catch glances of Zay in the palm of my hand, unable to look away form the way the sun settles in his features. This is the first time I've ever thought of a man as beautiful, but that's what he is. His green eyes lowers with a blush across his pale bronze cheeks. He's damn near perfect.

Fuck.

I can't even control my own thoughts any more, even if they're nothing short of true.

I quickly scarf down the rest of my sandwich, tired of procrastinating before I finally speak up after seeing Zays own plate is clear as well.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask him, not meaning to go that route but the words have fallen from my lips and the ball is rolling so it's too late to change it. He looks up at me in confusion.

"Tell you what?" He asks. And I take a deep breath and finally leap over the edge.

"That I'm your Soulmate." I say and he freezes, his mouth closing and opening, though nothing is coming out.

This day definitely isn't going my way.

I fucking broke Zayvion.

~~~~~~~~~
Boom. I told you guys to get excited. Did you see the fourth wall break up there. There were two! Lol. Elliot's thoughts are so funny to me. Where do you think this conversation is gonna go?

Okay guys I tried really hard with my adhd and I managed to get these out. I might just gts and wake up and do the two and maybe work on something else to make up for it in the middle of the night. i'm sorry to disappoint you guys but it will be up before the morning

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Which Starburst pack is your favorite?