Pushed Aside

Embarrasment and Options

I'm sorry guys. Last night was one of those where I wasn't tired and my adhd was acting up, but once I was sleep that's was it. It's 4:45 now so imma try to write these and go back to sleep.

Zay's POV

      I'm not quite sure what's going through my mind as I sit there and panic, staring at Elliot who seems pretty damn knowledgeable about a secret I've kept from him since we met. But I don't think I'm ready for this conversation. I know that he'll leave me, and I just want him around a little bit longer.

      "You're not....." I try to lie my way out of this situation, my mind scrambling to save us from what's to come but he cuts me off.

       "I heard you talking to Beth and that Ares guy. It's kind of hard to misinterpret that." He tells me and my cheeks immediately flare up in panic and plain red embarrassment. No one even had to tell him, I was being messy and careless and now he knows.

       "Oh." Is the only word I can get out as I sit there and curse myself and think about how I can move away to hawaii, maybe be adventurous and move to Hell.

         "I have some questions." Elliot says and I slowly look back up at him, surprised that he's even willing to learn the slightest thing about what's going on, though I'm wary as hell of this conversation and the direction it might go. I nod my head in an okay gesture and he sighs before staring off into space.

        "What does it mean, exactly, to be Soulmates?"

          I place my elbows in the table and rest my forehead in my hands, unable to look at Elliot for any length of time.

        "With someone like me or in general?" I ask him and there's a pause before he answers.

         "In general."

           I think back to the lessons I've had, all the times I've seen my parents and the live that shines so brightly between Thomas and Ares. "I haven't had one, so that's a hard question." I tell him blowing out my breath before I try to describe to him what it's like to have someone made for you. "Having a Soulmate, whatever the term is for that person, is like a promise you're given when you're born. To find someone out there that was literally made for you. That can love you and understand you and be all around perfect for you and who you are, whoever you need them to be, they're there. It doesn't always work out like that though."

        "What do you mean? That it doesn't work out?" Elliot asks immediately, a little excited if you ask me.

        "Well sometimes how you grow up and what happens between when you're born and when you find your lover, you guys might not be compatible anymore. They might be raised to be homophobic. Turn out abusive. Or even just spiteful. And it doesn't work out." I tell him, trying to keep the emotions from my voice that keep choking me.

        There's a beat of silence as we sit there, Elliot thinking, and me trying so hard not to.

         "What does it mean to have an Incubus as a soulmate? Isn't it different?" He asks and dammit this is one of the questions I didn't want him to ask. I cringe into myself, hating everything about this fucking conversation. I would much rather go back to mindless flirting and him looking awkwardly sexy.

          "Uh.. I don't know if I should...." Again I try to get myself out of this Q&A but once more, Elliot cuts me off.

           "If I didn't think I could handle your answers, I wouldn't ask." He tells me and the sternest in them make me shiver a little bit before my lip polks out slightly to myself in slight guilt.