Pushed Aside

Essays and Change

Elliot Green
English
Professor Arlington
November 7, 2021

Change

v. make or become something different

n. the act or instance of becoming something different.

To most people, change is one of the two definitions above. But to me, change meant the unknown, a scary abyss that held promises but no assurances on the other said. As an artist, it's easy to think of what I want to happen, the emotions and feelings that go into changing from something that makes you comfortable whether right or wrong to something new that you're no longer used to.

The measurement of change is so fluid, there's no real way to tell someone how much they changed. For one person, change can be as simple as switching up their coffee order at the coffee shop that they've been going to for years.

For another, change is something as drastic as moving across the country to get away from things that should have never stayed the same.

Change is relative.

And this semester, I found out what change mean to me.

I was always one of those people that hated change. The idea, the word, everything that it could signify, I hated it. Change meant me tying go of what I knew worked and what I knew made me happy. And then one Hybrid came into my life and showed me the difference between being content and what true happiness meant.

When he first came around I was terrified, but because of him but because of what he represented. For four years I had had my life planned out down to what I would name my kids when I had them. To me, life was perfect and I didn't need anyone to else than the people that I had. And he came along and showed me that life will always find a way to come and mess up your plans. And I hated it, I messed up a few time, stuck on foot in the door, scared but curious to this new door that opened up as soon and the other one closed.

Because my plan felt safe. It was safe and warm and promised me that I wasn't going to get hurt. There weren't going to be any surprises or anything that was going to jump out at me from the bushes and give me something else to get used to.

Here I am, months later and I've realized that change is a bad thing. It is, because it's means your saying goodbye to a good chapter in your life. Even if it didn't make you happy, it makes you the person that you are today, whether or not you realize it. But change is also good, because it lets you grow and it lets you turn into the person that you want to be.

And that's who I am now.

I have an amazing boyfriend that cuddles me at night and tells me that I'm the best thing that happened to him. And I tell him he's the best change that's happened in my life.

If I could go back in time would I do it differently? I would.

I would tell myself to hurry it up so that we can get to the best chapter in the book. When the boy falls for the boy and they begin to heal each other and help one another turn the page.

I suck at essays and I hate them with a passion. I believe that every word you need to say is at the end of a paintbrush and all you have to do is fine the color that the secrets are in before you spill them on to the paper. So will this, I'm sending an attachment of my version of this essay, my drawing.

This isn't my best subject of my favorite, but I've had too many changes in my life, good and bad that have happened not to document it.

So to answer the question that wasn't there, change is something that we should fear but it's also something that we should look forward to and cherish. Because you never know when the next change will end up being the love of your life.

Elliot Green.

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I literally love this so fucking much. If I wasn't so tired I would probably cry. Are you guys ready for the last chapter?? No? Me either!

Thoughts?

Comments?

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