Obsessed [book: one] // Thiam

Chapter 42

I lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling as it continues to rain outside. Ever since Theo left, I haven't been able to get out of bed, it almost feels like I've been paralysed, unable to move. The same thing happened to me just over a year ago, after it had just happened. I never thought of I would feel this way again.

I hear my phone vibrating on my bedside table, the screen lighting up. I slowly reach over, staring at the name on the screen, my vision blurred from the tears in my eyes. Once my vision clears and I'm able to read the display name, my breath catches in my throat.

"Theo!" I yell, answering the FaceTime call.

"Liam!" He yells back, a smile on his face as he stares at me.

I quickly ruffle up my hair, covering my eyes as much as possible. I pull my hoodie over my head and lay back down, trying to make it seem as though I haven't spent the past two hours in bed, crying.

"What are you up to?" He asks me, laying down on his bed.

"Just had some dinner and was about to go to bed," I lie to him. "What about you? Where did you have to go in such a rush?"

His smile slowly fades as I ask him this question, his whole face dropping and revealing something that looks very similar to a bruise. I pull the phone closer to my face, getting a better look at his face. I examine it, trying to determine if it's a bruise or if it's just the lighting.

A sudden feeling of panic rises inside me as I examine the mark more closely. Theo sits back up, the mark now un-visible. I bite the corner of my lip, unsure if I should mention anything or just leave it be. I'm sure if anything had happened, Theo would tell me. We're at that part of the relationships were we tell each other everything... or so I think we are.

"Something was happening between Tara and her boyfriend and she just really needed me to come home. She was pretty upset, but she's alright now." He tells me, sighing slightly. "I wish I was still there with you... I miss you."

I laugh lightly, smiling weakly. Theo looks at me with a concerned look, bringing the phone closer to examine me better.

"What's wrong?" He asks me.

I want to tell him the truth, I mean I should tell him the truth. He should know why I freaked out the way I did, but I can't seem to bring myself to do so. Whether it's because it's not my story to tell or maybe it's because I still take partial responsibility for what happened.

"Nothing, I'm just tired." I lie, faking a yawn to try and sell the story. "So what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?"

"Probably just catching up and homework and chilling around at home," he tells me. "You're more than welcomed to come here as well."

"Thanks," I whisper, smiling as he looks at me. "I'll have to see what the plans are tomorrow, but I'll be there if I'm free."

"Good, I miss you." He smiles softly. "Also, did I tell you that I was trying out for lacrosse?"

We continue to chat for another hour, I make sure I keep the subject off me for the rest of the call. I finally decided to go to sleep, saying goodnight and hanging up, putting my phone on charge and turning off my bedside light.

I lay in bed, my eyes wide open and sleep nowhere to be found. I roll over, punching my pillow into a more comfortable position before laying back down. I toss and turn for another half hour, my thoughts racing around in my mind.

I sit back up, rubbing my eyes as I stare at my wall, frustration slowly taking over my body as I continue to try and sleep, but fail miserably. I check the time; 1:05 am. I sigh as I rest my head on my pillows once more, closing my eyes and trying to clear my mind of any thoughts.

Once I fail miserably again, I get out of bed and head over to my desk. I turn on my desk light and grab out my sketch book, looking through all my old art. I flip through it and stop on a certain page, looking down at the drawing as my stomach does a flip.

I place it down on the desk, staring into the drawings eyes. My eyes begin to fill with tears as I stare at the picture, guilt consuming me as I think back to that night. I could of changed what happened... I could have stopped what happened and everyone would have been fine. It was my fault and there's no denying it.

I go back over to my bed, unlocking my phone and going onto instagram. I look up Tyler's account and go through it. I look at all his old photos and his more recent ones. I look at his smile, the tears streaming down my face as I do so.

His smile was so radiant and warm... but it's not longer here. I go to the last photo he ever posted. One of him and his girlfriend, Ashley. She was really pretty and they looked extremely happy. I click on the comment and read them.

'I miss you man', 'fly high bro', 'RIP', 'you were far too young to leave this world, rest in paradise Tyler'. I continue to read the comments as the tears fall down my face and land on my pillow.

Tyler was a year above me in school and he was the lacrosse captain at his school. I never got to play with him, but his team always talk about how good of a player he was. They always say how they're not the same without him and he was the glue to their team.

Tyler came to my place a little over a year ago... on a night like tonight. It was raining and dark outside and I was home alone. I was paranoid and he came knocking on my door. He asked to borrow my phone and I let him borrow it.

He called his sister and she was on her way to pick him up. I didn't offer him to come inside or wait for him to get picked up, I just went back to bed and fell back asleep. It wasn't until the next morning that I had found out what happened.

Tyler went looking for his sister and ended up getting hit by a car. He was in the hospital for three days and ended up passing on his third night there. Ever since that night, I've never been able to truly forgive him and I've never been able to forgive myself for it.

That's what got me into drawing and that's been about the only thing that's been able to help me. That and now having Theo with me. I don't know what I would do without him and I don't think I'll ever be able to cope without him. He's the source to my happiness and I would be lost without him.

I just hope I never have to lose him.