EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART

CHAPTER 19: Damn Wasted

"Did you feel any pleasure with all the things that Samantha did to you? Is there any instances wherein you enjoy all her tortures?" The Psychiatrist was a man in his late forty's and as he spoke, Drake found it comforting. Most of the time he glanced at his paperwork, scribbling Drake's written history, then occasionally glance up at him with a question or comment.

Ito ang unang pagkakataon ni Drake na magpa-konsulta sa isang manggagamot pagkatapos ng maraming taon. Alam niyang may mali sa kanya, pero ayaw niyang aminin iyon sa sarili niya. Natatakot siyang harapin ang katotohanan na may masamang naging epekto sa kanya ang pakikipagrelasyon niya kay Samantha.

"No." Mabilis na sagot nito.

"No? Are you sure?" Kahit pa parang nakakitaan niya ang doktor ng pagdududa sa lahat ng mga sagot niya, hindi siya nabahala dahil alam niyang parte iyon ng pagsusuri niya sa kahit sinong pasyente.

"Yes. I didn't felt pleasure. All I felt was pain. How could I possibly feel any pleasure with all those torments?" Sumagi lang sa isip niya ng kaunti ang lahat ng pananakit ni Sam noon sa kanya, parang nasasaktan pa din siya.

"Then why did you allow her to do it to you? You allowed her for almost?"

"Three years." May pait sa boses ni Drake.

"Why did you let her do it even if its too painful for you? Why did you continue your relationship with her even you are suffering?"

"Because..." Saglit siyang natigilan.

"Because I loved Samantha so much that I can't afford to lose her." Iyon ang totoo, kaya niyang tiisin lahat ng sakit huwag lang mawala sa kanya ang dalaga.

"Did you tell her that you don't want to be tortured? That you don't really enjoy it?" Iyon ang unang pagkakataon na nagtagal ang titig ng manggagamot sa mga mata ni Drake. Tila sinusuri nito kung nagsasabi ba ng katotohanan ang binata.

"Yes I did. I tried to asked her if we could do what normal couples do. I even tried to seduced her with all the capabilities I have, but it didn't work. She always wanted to torture me." Napalunok siya habang pinipigilang tumulo ang luha niya.

"What was the most disgusting stuff she ever did to you?" Nahirapan si Drake sa tanong na iyon ng doktor.

Most disgusting? Parang lahat naman...

Walang araw na hindi siya pinahirapan ni Samantha sa tuwing magtatalik sila. Hindi pa nga siya nakipagtalik sa dalaga ng hindi siya nakagapos. Kahit gustong-gusto niyang hawakan si Samantha, hindi niya magawa dahil parati naman siyang nakatali.

"Everything. From the blades, needles, paddles, but what I hate most was being tied. I feel so powerless. All I can do is to scream while she do her thing. Sometimes, I even cried with all the pain she is giving." Pinigilan man niyang maluha, pero tumulo pa din ito. Agad niyang pinahid iyon.

"When you are crying and screaming, did Samantha ever apologized and stopped from all the tortures she is giving to you?"

"No. She enjoyed it. The more I cry and scream, the happier she was. The more she observed that I'm in severe pain, the more she wants to torture me." Despite of what Samantha did to her, he never despise her.

"Did you ever refuse her? I mean... torturing you."

"Yes, a lot of times." Sampung taon na ang nakakaraan, pero kapag naaalala niya ang mga pinagagawa sa kanya ng ex-girlfriend, naapektuhan pa rin siya. Mabigat pa din sa kalooban niyang nagkaganun si Samantha at wala man lang siyang nagawa para tulungan ang dalaga.

"What was her reaction?"

"Everytime I refused her, she suffers from severe outburst that I can't control. She cry whole day. She even cut her wrist. She even threatened me that she will take her life. Samantha hurt herself everytime I refused, she left me with no choice."