Sander Sides oneshots

They're not just thoughts!

-back at it again with the angst. Remus angst, to be precise.
-hopefully this doesn't flop, I have been feeling a lot better about my writing. It's starting to help again.
-I'm not good at writing Remus.
TW: intrusive thoughts, crying, cursing, gore (tell me if I've missed some)

Janus walked into Remus's room, eyes widening as he watched Remus stab at his wall before throwing the small dagger at his bed, it landing blade down into the mattress.

Remus collapsed into the floor, crying softly.

"Remus, what's wrong?" Remus shut his eyes tightly, whimpering. His tapped his foot rapidly.

Janus soon realized what was happening. He carefully walked over, crouching down in front of him.

"Remus, it's okay. Open your eyes." Remus hesitantly opened his eyes, staring at Janus with tears falling down his face.

"Janus..." He whimpered, his hand itched for his mace. He pulled his hands close to his chest, as to not hurt him.

"It's okay." Janus said softly, gently running his hands through his hair. Remus relaxed slightly. He looked back at him, his eyes flashing.

"Re-remus, why did you do it?" A barely breathing Janus whispered, half of his head smashed in. Remus looked down at his blood covered hands, holding his mace.

"No, Janus! I-i didn't mean to! I'm sorry!" Remus cried, scrambling away from Janus.

"Hey, hey, Remus, it's okay. It's not real. Look at me, I'm okay." Janus said, pulling Remus close again, running his hands through his hair.

Janus brought him to the bed. They sat down, Janus pulling Remus close. "Tell me."

"N-no, it's bad, they're bad. Does- does that make me bad? Am I a bad person? I don't-"

"You're not a bad person." Janus interupted softly. "Theyre just thoughts-"

"They're not just thoughts!" Remus yelled, his voice cracking as he wiped at his eyes. "They're me! This is what I'm here for! I don't want to do this anymore!"

"Shh, I know, Remus. I'm sorry." Janus remained calm, still running his hands through his hair.

"You don't fucking know! I don't want to see these things! I don't like it! I don't want to do any of it, either! I swear!" Remus sobbed, clutching to Janus.

"Shhh, Remus. It's okay. Just tell me about them. It'll help you." Janus moved the knife and laid down, Remus laying against his chest, gently tapping his finger against the bed to the beat of Janus's heart.

"S-sometimes I see myself hurting you... B-but I never want to hurt you. A-and I get these- these urges." He cried. "These urges to..."

Janus nodded understandingly.

"I don't want to hurt you." Remus cried. "Or anyone. I-i can't control it sometimes..."

"You won't." Janus hummed. "You wouldn't hurt any of us. We all know that."

"But, what if- if someday I can't stop it?" Remus asked quietly.

"You will. Now, can you put this away so we can sleep for a bit?" Janus asked, holding out the knife.

Remus stared at it, his hands shaking softly. "Jan... I-" He gasped, eyes widening with surprise.

"What's wrong?" Janus asked, rubbing his back softly. Remus shuddered.

"I don't want to touch it." Remus whispered, fear shining in his eyes.

"It's okay, Rem. You're fine." Remus got up, grabbing it. He looked at it for a few seconds before looking at Janus. Janus looked at him blankly.

Remus turned about and opened the drawer where he keeps all his weapons, putting it in its place. He closed the drawer, before humming anxiously as he attached a lock to it, giving Janus the key.

"Just for a bit. I-i can unlock to tomorrow." He mumbled, climbing back into the bed, wrapping his arms around Janus's waist, pulling him close to his chest. Janus smiled softly.

"I'm proud of you, Remus." Janus mumbled softly.

"Thank you, Janny." Remus smiled.

-I can't write Remus for shit but I love what I can do with him : )
-more angst is coming up.