Sander Sides oneshots

Still felt loved.

-I am not a happy person. If you guys want something soft, you're gonna have to request and give me some ideas lmao.
-um so until then, more angst

Tw: angst, crying, slight NSFW, And uh yeah and calling people "pet" In regards to sex. Also SUICIDE. thought I should put it in caps so everyone would see it.

Virgil smiled sadly as he watched Janus talk and flirt with Roman from across the room.

He looked down at his hands, balling them into fists to stop the shaking.

Virgil glanced back at Janus, before turning away and walking home.

He still felt loved, even when he watched him flirt with Roman. Or Patton. And even sometimes, remy and Emile.

Still, he reluctantly admits to himself that, though he feels loved, it still hurts.

"You know I love you." Janus would whisper. Virgil would nod and obey, ignoring the ache.

He still felt loved when Janus ignored him, texting people on his phone or just standing up and leaving.

He knew where he went, not exactly where, the place changes, though he knows was he was doing. He would go on dates. None of which led to sex, they were just dates.

Virgil guessed that's why Janus kept him. Having sex with strangers is always a toss of the dice, but having sex with your own personal pet, as Janus liked to call him, you always knew what was going to happen.

Virgil still felt loved when Janus roughly pinned him to the bed, thrusting into him, curses falling past his lips, though those lips never met his own.

It all felt numb to Virgil, moans leaving his mouth almost like he had memorized it from a script, telling him just how good it felt. Screaming out his name, arching his back the way Janus liked him to. Not really feeling anything, he just knew what to say so that Janus would still love him.

His eyes would be hooded and empty, staring up at the ceiling, his hands laying at his side, shaking and balled into fists. He hoped Janus wouldn't notice his tears, or maybe he did but just truly believed it was from pleasure. Or maybe he just didn't care.

He would let Janus do what he needed to do because he's not his own person. Because how could he be his own person when it's Janus's blood running through his veins?

Consensual, because if he didn't say yes, Janus would find someone who would. Virgil knows that Remus is always open to a good fuck every now and again.

After Janus was done, he would throw his clothes back on and leave.
He would leave Virgil alone, shaking and oh so... Loved...

In reality, he feels gutted of everything that made him himself, empty and hollow, despite being so... Full.

Often Janus would forget that Virgil is sitting right next to him because he's so distant.

Janus only tells him he loves him when hes slipping his fingers into his boxers.

Janus only tells him he loves him when Virgil is threatening to leave.

Janus only tells him he loves him when he wants something.

So,

Virgil still felt loved when he watched Janus kiss someone. Who, he didn't know, their face covered.

He couldn't remember the last time Janus kissed him. Not like that, anyway.

Virgil felt so loved, but this time not by Janus.

But by the wind that blew through his hair as he plummeted down, down, down into 100 feet of cold, sharp, water.

The last thing he heard before he truly felt loved, was a piercing scream of his own name, by none other than Janus.

- "the idea that we are so capable if love, but still choose to be toxic" - Rupi Kaur, milk and honey.
-Hey. I'm sorry.