13 Flames | gxg

37 - choice

Palmer

She's hardly spoken to me since I suggested postponing the wedding. And that was two days ago. The only time we talk, or touch, is when we're acting. As soon as Matt calls cut she pulls away like it hurts her to touch me. Maybe it does.

The rest of the cast notices the tension. We're in the break room for lunch and the table is uncharacteristically silent. I've hardly eaten anything. I know Lexa and I are to blame for the cold atmosphere. I consider taking my lunch to my dressing room but Lexa beats me to it.

"I'll be in my dressing room," she mumbles. She doesn't take any food with her. I want to check in with her, but I guess it's not my place anymore.

As soon as she's gone everyone turns to me. "I may have screwed up," I mumble.

"Hell yeah you screwed up," Peyton agrees, "now spill."

I sigh. "You guys know how she's been so stressed with the wedding and the show and everything?" They give me a variety of nods. "I suggested they postpone. She wasn't in love with the idea."

"Why would you tell her that?" Alex face palms.

"Because it's true!" I defend myself. "She needs more time."

"No, Palm, why would you tell her?" Alex says again.

I look at him with my brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Brayden rolls his eyes. "Oblivious."

"Palmer," Peyton says softly, "you can't suggest something like that when you're the reason she's having doubts in the first place."

Her words hit me like a train. "What? She's not having... doubts..." Even as I say it I don't believe myself. "I'm not... I'm not the reason though," I decide.

"Palmer-"

"No, it's not me. She's just realizing that James is kind of an asshole. This has nothing to do with me." The words leave my mouth in a rush. I know deep down the only one I'm trying to convince is myself.

"Palmer," Peyton says sternly. "This has everything to do with you."

I finally meet her eyes but fail to wipe the conflicted expression off my face. "I don't want her to marry James," I whisper.

"Then tell her, Palmer."

"I can't. She'll hate me."

Alex comes closer to my other side and places a hand on my shoulder. "She could never hate you."

I put my elbows on the table and bury my head in my hands. I know they're right, but I don't want to admit it. "You all suck," I mumble into my palms.

Peyton places her hand on my other shoulder. "We love you too, Palmer," she jokes.

I sit up. "I'll tell her. Just... not this second?"

"Take your time," Alex smiles. "But not too long. Don't you dare screw this up, Drake."

I return the grin. "I'll try not to."

I don't want her to marry James. And she doesn't want to either? But the way she talks about him... she loves him. Even if she's having doubts, she loves him. Why would telling her how I feel change anything? She'll choose him over me. She'd never choose me.

Lexa

I've tried to avoid Palmer these past couple of days. The thought of her messes with my head. Finally, it's Saturday, and I can spend the weekend wedding planning with James. And not thinking about Palmer.

James saw us on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and he won't stop bugging me about the last question. Obviously, there's no way I can tell him. It's not like I did anything, and the question didn't have any context. But if I actually had the chance, without it hurting anyone...

I still haven't taken the time to think about my sexuality. I don't know if I want to. Of course, there's nothing wrong with liking women. I just... I've only been with men. I've kissed maybe three women. One of them being Palmer. But now that I think about it, sometimes I'd see some girl and wouldn't mind getting to know her a little better. In college, there was a friend of mine I was close with. We made out once or twice but I never stopped to consider if I had feelings for her.

But I know I like men. James, of course, and I've had past boyfriends. So does that make me bisexual?

James would hate that. He degrades Palmer about it constantly. How am I supposed to tell him I might be bi?

I bury my face in my hands and sigh into my palms. I'm sitting at the kitchen counter, my laptop open in front of me and catalogues and planners everywhere. Maybe Palmer wasn't wrong about needing some more time. But I can't push it off. If I do, it might never happen.

James comes up behind me and I jump when he places his hands on my shoulders. He doesn't seem to notice. "How's it going in here?"

"Okay. It'd go faster with your help, though," I point out, slightly annoyed.

"I know, babe, but I told you I'm working."

I force away an eye roll. James is always working. You'd think out of the two of us, I'd be busier. But he always seems to be away on a business trip, or hiding out in the bedroom with contracts and his computer.

I sigh. "I'm worried we won't be ready."

"Come on, Lexa, it'll be great! What matters is we're getting married." He moves his hands to my waist and hugs me from behind. I lean back on the stool, sinking against his chest. But I'm thinking about what Palmer said.

"Maybe we should change the date?" I whisper.

He pulls away. "What?"

"Just a couple of weeks," I explain, "so we have everything ready."

"Are you having second thoughts, Lexa?"

My eyes widen and I shake my head furiously. "No! No, of course not. But I was talking to Palmer and she-"

"Of course you were," he sneers. I'm shocked by his sudden change in mood. He takes another step away.

"James?"

"It's always Palmer, isn't it?" he hisses. "Always her over me."

"James, what are you talking about? I love-"

"Then why don't you want to marry me, Lexa?" he shouts. "If you loved me you would want to!"

"I do want to! There's just so much going on right now, maybe-"

"Lexa," he interrupts again. His voice has regained some steadiness. "I want to marry you. But you can't have both of us."

"What are you saying?"

"You need to choose. Me or her." He sighs. "I trust you'll make the right decision." Without another word, he disappears back into our bedroom. I watch him go, speechless.

Did he just tell me to choose? Between my fiancée and my best friend?

How could he do something like that?

I bury my head in my hands but force down the tears. I need to talk to Palmer. I need to collect my thoughts.

Monday. I'll be ready.